Dear Ashley...

Dear Ashley,

        Right now, you’re struggling with ‘feeling fat’. You know deep down that fat isn’t a feeling, but you can’t help picking out your flaws every time you pass a mirror. You can’t help comparing your meals to others. You can’t help feeling like a pig when you eat a snack in class or when your roommate’s around. You can’t wait to go home for the summer in two weeks, but you also dread it because then you can’t get away with measuring your food. You long to step on the scale again (in secret, of course) but you fear seeing the number. Anything over 90 or 91 would be devastating. But you know what? You are committed to beating this. Even though there’s a small part of you that wants to lose five pounds, a much bigger part of you knows it will derail your success. Even though you think you look fat, your mom just told you that your legs look too skinny. Even though you don’t think you deserve help, she’s worried about you relapsing. Even though ED tells you that crackers, and apple and a Pure bar are a sufficient and “normal” lunch, they aren’t. Even though the disordered part of you screams at you to run, your foot hurts even when you walk. Even though you feel incredibly guilty for not giving in to ED, it’s for the very best. Everyone who cares for you wants the best for your life, and anorexia is just the opposite. Remember that you are worth recovery and you should be proud of how far you’ve come.

With Love, Ashley

P.S. Don't ever doubt that you're beautiful!

*No questions tonight, but I encourage you to write a letter to yourself if you’re struggling or just need a little boost! I think it really helps me to just get the words out there and be honest with myself.

Versatile Boo-tay!

Hey ladies! Hope you had a wonderful Easter (if you celebrate it) or just a good weekend in general! I just realized I haven’t posted in a while, or at least it feels that way to me. Oh well, I had a really great weekend J And I got tagged in two different blogging awards (yay!) so I’m gonna combine the two into one post. So it might be kinda long, sorry! One is the Bootylicious Award from the lovely Bryana and PrincessLila and the other is the Versatile Blogger from the fabulous Kimi. So I guess I have a versatile booty, haha!

First up, the Bootylicious Award. Can I just say, I love the name?!

1. Post this award with the picture and name whoever tagged you in it

2. Do the STUFF

3. Award to 7 others and tell them you did so!

THE STUFF:

1.         Name 3 things that are lying right next to you

#1: My adorable Victoria’s Secret PINK dog that I got last summer free with a purchase. I love freebies, especially when they’re zebra-striped!

#2: My keys. Okay, funny story, I had gone for 7 months without accidentally locking myself out of my room and I was so excited for school to be over so I could say I never lost my keys. Well…two weeks ago I woke up and went to go do my bathroom business and for some reason the wind was really strong (and my window was open) so before I could put the hook down to stop my door from closing, it slammed shut on my face! So, yeah, that ruined my record and I had to go to the front desk to get the spare key to let myself back in. Not fun!

#3: My sandals. I got these last summer and they are one of my favorites! I love that they’re easy to slip on like flip-flops but so much classier!

2.         Name 2 foods you cannot live without

Oh, gosh, this is super duper hard. I wish I could say an entire meal, because then for sure I would say breakfast, it’s my favorite! I guess I’ll go with Greek yogurt (Oikos is my fave brand) and gelato! It totally beats ice cream or even froyo, hands down…but it’s not cheap. So what, I have expensive tastes haha.

3.         Name 1 thing you did today

I went to a meeting with my ad agency group (I’m in an advertising class this semester). Not really exciting, but it was fun goofing around…erm, I mean, working hard ;)

Now for the Versatile Blogger award, I’ve got to name 7 random things about me. Here goes!

1.         I’m not a huge fan of dinner. Don’t get me wrong, I always eat it and most of the time I enjoy it, but since I have such a big sweet tooth, breakfast appeals to me way more! So a lot of times, I have something sweet for dinner, like a sweet potato with honey Greek yogurt or a tortilla with almond butter and banana slices. I always have to have fruit, too!

Sweet potato, Greek yogurt and Clif trail mix bar...my kind of dinner!

2.         I am obsessed with purses! I don’t own as many as I’d like to, but I’m working on my collection. I currently have 4 that I use on a regular basis and I love all of them. I always get ones that are kinda big, and my family teases me that they’re bigger than me!

I love my big pink purse!

3.         I still love stuffed animals. Yes, I know, I’m a little kid! I just like that they remind me of my childhood, and they’re just so cute. I have a few that I’ve had for years, but a lot of them are sort of new. I used to sleep with tons of them, but now I just sleep with a few.

4.         One of my dreams (that will probably never come true) is to be a cast member on Saturday Night Live. That is my favorite TV show because it’s always so hilarious and I would love to be part of all the sketches and make other people laugh.

5.         I was a dancer for eleven years. I started when I was 3 and I really loved it so I took classes until I was 15 (except for one year). When I was younger, I was in ballet and tap but then I took jazz and modern classes and I loved those more. Part of me wishes I still did dance, but I’m glad it was part of my life for so long.

My dance recital number was Barbie haha

 6.         Waterparks are one of my favorite places to go, but I’m not a great swimmer. In fact, I didn’t learn how to swim until I was 11 or 12, even though I had taken lessons for a few summers before that, I was always just terrified of drowning. But every year on my birthday, we go to a nearby waterpark and it’s so much fun. I just avoid the big slides where you get dumped into really deep water!

7.         I am part outdoorsy girl, part city girl. I was born in a big city (Phoenix), grew up in a medium-sized city and now go to school in a smaller city. But since I’ve lived in CO most of my life, I’ve been doing a lot of stuff outside, like camping and biking and sledding, so I love being outside, especially on a sunny day. But I could never ever live in a small town, so I think I’ll live in a big city someday and do a lot of outdoorsy stuff!

Okay, sorry about that being really really long! I hope it wasn’t too boring. Since I combined 2 different awards, and I’m not sure of everyone who’s already been tagged, I’ll just tag everyone that’s reading this post so definitely do one or both of these awards if you haven’t already!

Q’s: What’s one thing right next to you right now? One random fact about yourself?



Body Checkin'

Wassup? Hahaha, okay I’m not really gangsta, but try telling that to me a few months ago ;) Just kidding!



Oh yeah, I'm legit ;)



So…yeah, today I thought I would take on a serious topic that I’ve been dealing with for a very long time—body checking. I think a lot of people with EDs do it, it’s just a ‘normal’ thing, but I really hate how sneaky it can be. Half the time I don’t even notice that I’m doing it, which is really annoying, because now that I think about it, I do it a lot. A lot a lot.

For me, body checking has always been more focused on actually feeling different parts of my body. I do have a habit of checking myself in mirrors, too, but I don’t have to look in every mirror or window I pass, just a few that I encounter every day, like the one in my dorm’s bathroom. My real bad habit is checking to see if I can still feel my ribs, hipbones, spine, etc. Unless I’m really focused on doing homework or just having fun with someone, I probably body check a couple of times every hour. Yeah, it’s a little obsessive. I just hate that I still do it, even though I’m in recovery. Actually, the strange thing is I can’t remember ever doing it before I started recovering two years ago, even when I was really deep into anorexia. I remember checking myself in mirrors more often and measuring my thighs and arms, but never body checking. The first time I can distinctly remember it is a few days after my parents confronted me about my ED. I was sitting in the car with my mom waiting for my sister to be done with a play rehearsal, and we were just talking and I remember feeling my ribs over and over. No one has ever noticed it, or at least no one’s ever said anything to me about it. So I just keep doing it.

I’m struggling a lot less with strong ED urges, and I don’t act on them, but this body checking thing is a really bad habit that I want to get rid of forever. I don’t want to be constantly doing this for the rest of my life, even if no one else notices or cares, it still just feels weird. It feels like I’m still controlled by ED, and I don’t want that! I’m starting to pay attention to when I do it and ask myself why. I think it’s still a deep-rooted fear that I’m gonna get fat, but it’s also just a stupid habit that often has no reason at all. Anyways, I’m working on trying to stop it, or at least cut down on how often it happens. I want to be completely free of ED someday, and the only way that can happen is if I kick bad habits to the curb.

Q’s: Do you, or have you ever body checked? If you stopped, how did you do it?

What I Ate Monday

Hey everyone! I loved all your comments on my last post about shopping! It’s so great to be able to wear clothes you love and feel good in them.

I’ve been wanting to do a post covering all the food I eat in a typical day, and Kimi’s recent post (thanks girl!) inspired me to do it. I’m nervous for the reaction I might get, but everyone’s different, especially when it comes to how much food you need. I have been maintaining on roughly this amount (1500-1600 calories) for several months, with small fluctuations, so it definitely works for me. So, just a warning, don’t compare yourself to anyone! Some people need to eat more, some less but it’s all okay as long as you’re healthy! So…here goes! But first, a close-up of the very yummy PB&J I had on Saturday night. It’s called the Prickly Cactus, and it has multigrain bread, raspberry-jalapeno jelly, chipotle PB, baby spinach and chopped peanuts sprinkled on it. It was spicy and so different than a normal PB&J but so much better!

Mmmm, spicy!





Now onto what I ate yesterday! I started out my morning with some mocha overnight oats. First time I tried this combination, and it was so good, plus it gave me a little caffeine burst! Basically just quick rolled oats, some almond milk (just tried it yesterday and it’s the best) and half a packet of Starbucks mocha Via instant coffee. On the side was a spicy veggie sausage pattie and a Medjool date stuffed with crunchy almond butter.

Looks yucky, but so yummy

I had a very brown breakfast, apparently

Lunch, as usual, was on-the-go between classes. I packed an Apple Cinnamon Pure bar (not my favorite flavor, but still good), Kashi TLC crackers with crunchy almond butter, water and a big juicy Pink Lady apple!





I also packed an afternoon snack, since Mondays/Wednesdays/Fridays are my days that I have four hours in a row of classes and I don’t go back to my dorm til around 6. I love making my own trail mixes so that’s what I did: a serving of Udi’s cranberry granola (I love that it’s made in my state, but surprisingly, I never tried it before), a handful of Annie’s Pretzel Bunnies (so cute!) and some Cocoa Roast almonds.

Trail mix!



Close-up of the pretzel bunnies (and carrot)--ignore the words haha



I didn't eat this bunny! My grandma sent this for Easter...it's too cute :)

I was really looking forward to dinner, because it was leftovers from my vegan gyro. Surprisingly, I wasn’t really hungry around dinner, but I ate what I was planning on anyway. The rest of the gyro, some baby carrots and a homemade peppermint mocha (made with half a mocha Starbucks Via, water, Truvia and 1/4 cup of chocolate peppermint soy milk). It was so yummy, even though I wasn’t hungry.

My gyro! (Get it, like 'My Hero'?)

Dried up carrots (ew!)

Ugly, but yummy

But after dinner was a completely different story. An hour before snack time, my stomach started hurting from intense hunger! I waited it out, then had a huge bowl of Kashi Berry Blossoms cereal, topped with dried apples and peaches. Afterwards, I was still a little hungry, so I had a little more cereal.

Sorry about the awful lighting, it was nighttime!

Made in my state!

So that was my Monday! Oh, and I wore one of my new pairs of shorts yesterday, and I didn’t regret it, even though it got cold and cloudy in the afternoon.

Q’s: What was your favorite thing you ate yesterday (or today)?

I Live for the Weekend!

*Note: If size numbers trigger you, then skip the third paragraph!

Hiya! Long time no see! I guess I’ve just been pretty busy over the last week and I didn’t have a lot to say that I thought was blog-worthy. But don’t worry, I’ve still been reading all your lovely blogs and commenting.

It’s safe to say that this weekend is already a LOT more fun and busier than last. I always have a better weekend when I go home, it’s just a nicer atmosphere and I always have so much stuff to do that I barely have time to do homework! Not such a good thing, but at least I enjoy myself ;)

My mom and sister came to pick me up yesterday afternoon. My sister hasn’t been able to pick me up in awhile but since she just got done with her musical, her schedule is pretty much free. I love the conversations the three of us have in the car—we can talk for hours and not get bored and we always have the funniest observations. It makes driving the 2 ½ hours totally bearable. And last night, we made a stop (a long one, lol) at my favorite mall. We grabbed dinner at the food court (I got a falafel gyro sandwich, which I didn’t really like that much, the falafel was too greasy so I ended up only eating the insides and there was a lot of the tzatziki yogurt sauce, which is a fear food of mine, so I ate as little of it as possible) and then got right to shopping! Abercrombie and Fitch was first since my sis had something she really wanted there. Don’t get me wrong, I love that store, but it is pretty expensive. However…I was the one who ended up buying something there, not her! I got the cutest pair of red, white and navy plaid checked shorts and I LOVE them! Yes, I am starting to love and be comfortable with shorts. But my mom insisted I try them on and I am so uncomfortable trying stuff on. I hate it. But I grabbed them in a size 0 and headed straight for the dressing room. To my surprise, my mom thought they were loose on me. I actually did too, but I was planning on wearing them with a belt. So she got me a size 00. I was so scared that these would be too small for me and then I’d feel bad, but they actually fit really well, not too loose or too tight. I just want you to know that I would have been comfortable getting them in size 0, but honestly, the 00s looked a lot better on me so I got them. And they were on clearance for $22!

We also went to American Eagle, and the sales associate that greeted us was wearing this really cute cropped t-shirt. Normally, I’m not a fan of t-shirts, but it looked so cute so I had to find it. Luckily I did and I bought it for only $19.50! It’s a charcoal grey, loose and cropped and it has this cool pastel-colored Navajo-style pattern across it. I love mixing boho/hippie style with girly stuff so this tee was perfect for me.

Sorry this photo is so awful, I took it on my phone but forgot the cord so I took a picture of a picture. But it was my vegan gyro and it was delish!

At Hollister, I was on the lookout for a navy tank top to go with my new shorts. It wasn’t hard to find one—what was hard was deciding which one to get! My mom said she would buy it for me, but I was on the fence between this really pretty one with ruffles on it or one with a simple silk bow on one of the straps. I ended up getting a completely different one with smaller ruffles that seemed to look better with the shorts. And since I had a little bit more money left, I got ANOTHER pair of shorts! Am I crazy or what haha! I’m actually really excited to wear them show them off. Honestly, I’m sick of always feeling ashamed of my body and trying to hide it while still looking cute. It’s hard to do and I’m just over it. Why can’t I wear shorts and feel good about it?



Not my new shorts, but I love these too!



Today has been really really busy too. I woke up at 7 (early for me) so my dad and I could go downtown to a film festival. We saw some animated shorts which were cool and we’re headed back down there tonight for some more short films. After that, we got some lunch at a Mediterranean place. I got a vegan gyro sandwich with hummus, tabbouleh salad, olives and all kinds of roasted veggies, like sundried tomatoes and artichoke hearts (first time I tried them and I love em!). It was the bomb.com, no lie! A million times better than the gyro I had last night, but it was so huge that I couldn’t finish it. Then we went to Whole Foods (yay!) and I got so much stuff, it was ridiculous. A lot of it is new to me, so I can’t wait to “review” it all in the near future. In fact, for part 2 of my afternoon snack, I tried a Medjool date with some almond butter…um, yum! Why didn’t I try this earlier? I love love love Whole Foods so much!



Action shot lol



Well, me and my dad are about to head downtown again and we’re grabbing dinner at an organic peanut butter and jelly place before the shorts program. Trust me, I don’t normally eat out this much, and it does make me anxious ED-wise, but I love spending time with my family, so it’s all good. See ya later!

Q’s: Are you uncomfortable trying clothes on in dressing rooms? Favorite type of cuisine (mine is Mediterranean, obvs!)

A Moral Dilemma

So in my Moral and Social Problems class (yes, I know, that sounds so negative!) we’ve just started discussing the issue of animal rights and the environment. Over the weekend, I read through the chapter and took notes on it, as usual. I thought it would be sorta boring like some of the topics are, but it was actually fascinating. To the point that I was starting to feel really emotional. I like animals a lot, at least most of them, but I wouldn’t say I’m an animal rights activist. That is, until I read this chapter. I was beyond horrified to hear what really happens to many animals, both in “factory farms” and scientific laboratories. I’ll spare you the details, because they are pretty heartbreaking, but one thing that made me almost cry was finding out that in order to test the safety of new chemical products, they restrain rabbits so they can’t escape and put drops of these products in their eyes! Seriously, how would you feel if someone squirted shampoo, bleach or even weed killer in your eyes?! I already knew a lot about how badly animals are treated in confinement agriculture, but I found out even more, and it made me really sad.

Part of an all-vegan dinner: an EVOL veggie fajita burrito

Pink Lady apple and baby carrots

Homemade iced peppermint mocha: chocolate mint
soymilk, Starbucks mocha VIA instant coffee and ice!

Basically, I am really passionate about becoming a vegetarian now. I’ve considered it a lot in the past, and I currently eat a mostly-vegetarian diet right now (I only have chicken or seafood when I go home), but learning about all these atrocities done to helpless animals makes me want to go full veg. I don’t want to add to the already-huge number of animals being raised and slaughtered cruelly in this country. The only thing stopping me is my parents. I’m sure they would support my decision if it weren’t for the fact that I’m recovering from anorexia. If I told them I want to be a vegetarian, not necessarily for health reasons (though that’s also important to me, too) but just because I hate to see animals treated so horribly, I don’t think they would consider it at the moment. I really only eat meat if I’m around them, because they think I don’t get enough protein. I actually do, and I know plenty of non-meat sources of protein that I love. But I want to stop eating meat completely. They were okay with me eliminating beef and pork because they don’t appeal to me flavor-wise, but if I told them I was cutting out chicken, they would be concerned. I mean, I’m an adult now, but I think they still want to have some control over my food. I think maybe if I told them I was still going to eat seafood and fish, they might be okay with it, but our family mostly eats chicken. It just doesn’t appeal to me anymore, partly because I don’t care for the flavor enough to “need” it and also because of the way most chickens are treated. So I really don’t know what to do. I really want to be a vegetarian, but I’m worried what my parents will think.

Q’s: If you are a vegetarian (or vegan), how did you convince your parents to allow you to be one (if you did at all)? Why did you choose to stop eating meat?

Successes and Struggles

I loved all the responses I got on my last post! It’s great to see others in the same situation as me, and my heart goes out to those of you who are still waiting to get your period back. It will happen, ladies!

So I’m sure you’ve probably noticed a few changes to my blog. I updated my About Me on the sidebar to be a little more creative and I also changed the background to a picture I took last spring break in my hometown of Phoenix, AZ. But no worries, everything else is still the same, I just needed an update!

Messy but good! Caramel Oikos, Bear Naked Fit granola, 1 tsp almond butter and BLOOBS!

Lately, I’ve been dealing with some struggles as well as some successes, so I thought I’d share those with y’all (no I’m not Southern haha). Let’s start with the negatives, since I want to end this on a positive note! So basically, I have not been able to kick my walking habit. Or rather, ED’s walking habit. I have walked for at least a half hour a day every day since I’ve gotten back from spring break 3 weeks ago (except for weekends). It’s not like I’m walking ridiculous amounts, but I know that any exercise that’s ED-based is unhealthy. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love to go for walks around campus to just take in the fresh air and sunshine. But these walks weren’t exactly enjoyable, and I suspect it’s because they were ED-fueled. Like on Wednesday, I forced myself to walk around the Oval (this part of campus with a grassy treed area in the middle and really old buildings around it) even though it was cloudy, cool and drizzling. And I always plan it so I eat my afternoon snack or lunch (depending on what time I walk) right before I walk, so I can try to burn off the calories. I don’t need to be burning them off, but ED tells me I’ll be fat if I eat and then just sit in class or whatever. Stupid lies!

This was the box of my Cinnamon Crunch cereal. As you can tell, I had a little too much fun unscrambling the names of these "good bugs"!

But, I have had some successes, too. Since yesterday, I’ve gotten up to eating 1 full tablespoon of almond butter in a day! Yeah, I know that’s really low, but for someone who used to only eat a teaspoon or maybe two a day, this is BIG! I’m working on eventually getting up to 2 full tbsp. in a day; it’s scary, but it’ll be a big accomplishment. And I’m also not wiping off the oil that forms on top so it’s really drippy and even yummier! I know that the oil is natural (the almond butter I get is just almonds and a bit of salt, so no added oils) and it’s good for me. I’m also really strongly considering increasing my calories. I’ve noticed that lately, I get extremely starving before a meal, like literally, my stomach is hurting! It’s not been fun, and I think my body is telling me I need to eat more. This is a really scary decision, because I’ve been eating roughly the same amount for at least a year, but I know that 1300 a day isn’t that much. I’ve noticed that when I’m at home, I don’t plan my meals and I don’t really count (I just do a rough count to make sure I’m getting enough) and I’m usually not as hungry, and I still don’t gain weight even though I probably eat more, so I think that by increasing my cals a little bit when I’m at school will really help. I really just can’t wait til summer (5 more weeks!) because then I won’t feel the need to plan my meals out like I do at school.



Favorite flavor EVER of Clif Kids Twisted Fruit :)



Last night, I wanted breakfast for dinner...so I had a
breakfast pita w/ 2 tsp almond butter, a spicy veggie
sausage pattie, carrots (okay, not breakfast-like) and
unpictured natural applesauce and a Mix1

Q’s: Suggestions on what to do about the walking? Any tips on how to increase my calories slowly so I don't gain weight or end up restricting (from adding in things too quickly)?

I'm Lucky. Period!

Sorry about the bad pun, guys! I just thought it would lighten the mood because I want to bring up a topic that is pretty important in the recovery blog world. And of course, I’m talking about getting your period back.

I’ve read a lot of posts on various blogs discussing this, and basically what I’ve concluded is that it’s different for everyone, just like everything else is. Some get theirs back at a fairly low, or even underweight BMI, while others are within the healthy range and still don’t. Some wait several months or even years for theirs to return, and others wait only a few months.

I’ve always felt a little left out when it comes to this topic. I was a ‘late bloomer’, so basically, I didn’t EVER get my period before my ED (or of course when I was deep within it). In fact, I went 17 years of my life without having stomach cramps or having to use a tampon. Some people might say I’m lucky, and I guess in some ways I am. I’ve only had my period for a little over a year, thanks to birth control, and because of that, they are considerably lighter and more regulated than they would be naturally (I’m guessing). But as you can imagine, I felt really awkward throughout middle and most of high school when probably almost every other girl had theirs and I didn’t. I felt like kind of a freak, but most of the time, it didn’t bug me because I felt ‘lucky’ to not have to deal with all of it.

So of course, it kind of scared me when my ex-therapist suggested (no, actually DEMANDED) that I start taking birth control to jumpstart my periods. She was mostly just concerned that I would be at risk for osteoporosis, since I had never gotten my period, and most women do before they’re 16 or 17. My doctor agreed, so my mom got the prescription, and told me that I should start taking them after I was finished performing in a variety show at my school (since she didn’t want it to be an issue during the performances). Well…I didn’t start taking them until January 2010, about 4 months after the show was over. Why? Because I was scared of the side effects, especially the possible weight gain. But my parents practically forced me, and I started taking them. Luckily, they weren’t as bad as I thought they’d be, plus I noticed no adverse side effects (no weight gain!) And as a bonus, they got rid of my acne, which was great! The only bad part was getting used to having a period. It was just so strange, since my sister had gotten hers naturally about 6 months before me, and she’s 3 1/2 years younger than me! But as I was saying, everyone’s different. And honestly, I do feel lucky to finally have my period, even if it is because of BC, and I feel even luckier that mine is relatively light and consistent. Everyone’s different, and some people, like me, just need a little extra help getting theirs. And there’s nothing wrong with that!

Q’s: Do you have your period back? If so, how long did it take to return? If not, why do you want yours back (health reasons, want to have kids, etc.)

*Hopefully this post wasn’t too awkward (if any guys were reading, LOL). I just wanted to share my views and personal story on this important topic.

Not Quite the Clean Plate Club

I’m glad you guys all liked my vlog! It was so much fun to do, so if you have the technology to do it, I definitely recommend it!

Hopefully the title of my post isn’t too confusing—I’ll explain it in a bit. First, a quick highlight of my weekend. I was lucky enough to get to go home for the weekend, since my sister was in a musical at her high school and it was my daddy’s birthday yesterday. I always enjoy the weekends I spend at home, since I always have so much to do, but then they fly by and then I’m back at school. Anyways, Saturday morning was pretty typical, I woke up and had breakfast and then got ready for the day. It was really really nice, sunny and 80 degrees, so I got to have lunch and do yoga with my sis out on the deck. I love being outside, so it was great. I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with my sister, though, since she had to be at school by 3:15. So me and my dad dropped her off, and then he drove me to Keva Juice to drop off my job application and we headed to this new froyo place that’s way far away from our house, but since we both love froyo, it was so worth it. This place was AMAZING! It had so many more flavors and mix-ins than any place I’ve been to. I got a swirl mix called Oreo Joe; it was basically cookies ‘n cream and coffee froyos and it was so delish! I only ever top mine with fruit, so I got some berries and mango. Yum!



Since I forgot, I only have pics of Monday's food.
These are PB Pows, aka one of my fave cereals, plus bloobs

After that, we went to Noodles & Co. to get takeout, since we had nothing for dinner at home and didn’t have time to make anything, because of my sister’s musical. I got my usual, the small Pad Thai with shrimp, and my dad also ordered a ciabatta roll and a cucumber salad. It kind of made me nervous, because even though we were going to share them, I was scared of the extra calories. Well, the roll was really tiny, and the cucumber salad was good but probably low-cal. And I could only eat half of my noodles after that froyo, so I didn’t really eat that much. I was also nervous because I wouldn’t be able to have my evening snack at the usual time, so I packed a mini Clif bar and went to go see my sister’s musical. She was in Thoroughly Modern Millie and part of the chorus, but she and the entire cast were amazing. Definitely an enjoyable, though long night. Back at home, my mom and I watched the new SNL and then I hit the sack around 1. 

1/2 Starbucks Instant Via vanilla with Truvia and splash of skim



I tried to get all creative with the newspaper underneath haha.
Just a flax waffle with bloobs, some plain Oikos Greek yogurt
and a Morningstar spicy meatless sausage

Sunday was my daddy’s birthday, so we went out to lunch at this Mongolian grill place. I was also anxious to eat out there, so I ended up not getting very much food. I got a small plate of rice noodles with only a few spoonfuls of spicy sauce, fake crab meat and veggies. But I honestly wasn’t that hungry, so I didn’t even finish it. However, as my mom was driving me back to school yesterday afternoon, I was suddenly starving! Luckily, I had brought along some Annie’s Bunny Grahams (love those things). Well, we ended up driving right into this freak snowstorm, and the conditions were almost white-out, so my mom decided to turn around and take me back to school today instead! I was really excited, since that meant even more time at home. So we drove home, but stopped at the store to get my dad a pie for his birthday.



A really interesting sauce I made, with
unsweetened applesauce, nonfat Greek
yogurt, cinnamon and chili powder



Lunch, part 1: quinoa mixed with that sauce,
baby carrots, more bloobs and watermelon

Part 2 of lunch: Gardein meatless chik'n
tenders and a Blue Bran Vitatop

Back at home, I was still starving even after my snack, so I ate a bowl of cereal. Luckily, that was enough (just barely) to tide me over to dinner. I finished my Pad Thai and had a yummy banana caramel coffee protein drink on the side. But apparently that wasn’t enough, because by the time we sang happy birthday to my dad, I was feeling hunger pains again. I did not have the pie and ice cream, though (big fear foods)—I instead had an apple crisp Vitatop with some mango sorbet. It was still yummy but…an hour later, I was really really hungry again! By this point, I was having a mental battle with ED. He was telling me that I’d already eaten enough, but I knew that if my body was hungry, that meant I hadn’t eaten enough. Plus, I really hadn’t eaten much at all at lunch. So I grabbed a mini Clif bar and a handful of cereal. Finally, I wasn’t hungry after that. Yes, it was scary to eat 4 snacks and 3 meals in one day, but it was worth it! I felt so proud of myself, despite the fact that most of the weekend, I wasn’t able to finish my food. So I’m not a member of the Clean Plate Club, but I ate when my body wanted me to, and I didn’t get FAT! Take that, ED!

Q’s: Is it hard for you to listen to your body? How was your weekend?

Accents!

Hey guys! I’ve been wanting to do a vlog for a long long time, and I was inspired by Bryana’s recent “accent vlog” so I decided to do one of my own!

(P.S.-Please excuse the towels in the background and my voice—it sounds kind of froggy which is weird! And I recorded it on my iPod touch, which is why it is kinda shaky. I'm definitely not a professional video-taker!)

Here are the words I chose: Aunt, Route, Iron, Caramel, Sure, Crayon, Probably, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught/Cot, Dawn/Don

And the phrases: What do you call it when you wrap toilet paper around a house? What do you call those bugs that curl up when you touch them? What do you call gym shoes? What do you call it when the sun is shining and it’s raining?

Wow, I'm such a weirdo! I don't know what was going on there at the end, I think I was trying to figure out how to stop the video and it wouldn't stop!

Q’s: Did my voice match what you thought it would sound like? Do I have a similar accent to yours?