Alphabet Soup

Thank you all so so so much for your encouraging words on my last post! I know that I am still struggling with these thoughts, but it’s relieving to know that many others have dealt with the exact same thing and I just need to keep pushing through. You are all amazing inspirations to me! J

Today, I thought I’d do a fun, lighthearted post and I’ve seen this survey around the blog world for a while, so I thought “Why not?” I changed a few of the letters but that’s just how I roll!

A is for apple, what’s your favorite variety? Def would have to be Pink Lady…pretty much the only kind I eat!

B is for breakfast, what do you usually have?

I try to mix up some of it, but I always have a Morningstar hot & spicy veggie sausage (for yummy crunchy protein) along with some sort of carbs, like a waffle or slice of toast topped with almond butter, and then either Greek yogurt, some cereal, overnight oats or a Vitatop muffin.



A typical (?) breakfast: Oikos superfruits Greek yogurt topped with bloobs and strawberry granola clusters, 1/2 homemade berry waffle, veggie sausage link



C is for cereal, what is your favorite kind currently? I love all the kid varieties of Cascadian Farms, but I’m gonna go with Fruitful O’s. Like a yummier, healthier version of Fruit Loops!

D is for donuts, you might not currently be eating them but what kind do you like? Actually, I’ve never ever liked donuts…too much of a sugar rush for me!

E is for eggs, how do you like yours prepared?

Ewww, I completely hate eggs! I have never liked them, unless they’re baked into something and you can’t taste them.

F is for fat free, what is your favorite fat free product?

Definitely Greek yogurt and froyo! And of course most fruits and veggies.

G is for groceries, where do you buy yours?

Either Whole Foods (love that place) or Super Target.

H is for hot beverages, what is your favorite?

I definitely prefer cold drinks to hot but I will drink nonfat lattes from Starbucks hot.

I is for ice cream, pick a flavor and a topping?

Gelato is 1000 times better than ice cream! My favorite flavor is soy chocolate and I love any kind of fruit on top (or just plain).

J is for jams or jellies, do you eat them, and if so, what flavor?

I love the Smucker’s organic line of jams, especially the apricot kind.

K is for Kashi, name your favorite product?

OMG, I love Kashi, so this is a hard one. Either the Kashi TLC crackers, the Cherry Vanilla cereal bar or the Dark Mocha Almond granola bar. I love coffee and chocolate together!



Kashi crackers, apricot, date stuffed with crunchy AB



L is for lunch, what was yours today?

I had a late one today but it was yummy! A green salad topped with leftover grilled chicken, snap peas and edamame guacamole/plain Oikos mix on top, a nectarine and a mini Chocolate Brownie Clif bar.

M is for milk, what kind do you prefer?

I used to only drink skim milk, but when my parents switched over to 1% for a while (can’t stand that stuff) I decided to try soy. Now I like unsweetened chocolate soymilk or unsweetened vanilla almond milk.

N is for nutrient, do you prefer carbs, protein or fat?

I’m def a carb monster—I love fruit and cereal! Next I’d have to go with protein, especially Greek yogurt. I’m still a little scared of fats, but I love almond butter and edamame for that.

O is for onions, do you eat them?

Only uncooked, the cooked kind gives me a horrible aftertaste that lasts for a few days. I mostly like green onions and red onions in pico de gallo.

P is for protein, what’s your favorite source?

Seafood (white fish, shrimp, scallops, crab legs) or Greek yogurt. My fave brand is Oikos and I love pretty much all their flavors.



Grilled mahi mahi topped with strawberry pico and strawberry melon gazpacho on the side



Q is for quiche, what 4 ingredients would you like in yours?

I’m pretty sure I’ve never had a quiche, and since I don’t eat cheese, I wouldn’t try one now.

R is for restaurant, what’s your favorite?

I love OPB&J, an organic peanut butter and jelly place in my city. It has the yummiest PBs, jellies, breads and toppings!



Prickly Pear PB&J



S is for spices, name four that you’ve used recently?

I used cinnamon and ginger on my sweet potato last week, my mom made a pasta dish with a chili lime seasoning a few nights ago and I used black pepper in some edamame guac I made the other day.

T is for trick or treating, what’s in your bag?

I haven’t gone in quite a while, but when I used to love candy my favorites were gummy Lifesavers, Sweet Tarts, crispy M&M’s, sour gummy worms and Hershey’s Dark Chocolate.

U is for universal, what’s your favorite type of cuisine?

For sure Mediterranean/Middle Eastern. I love vegan gyros, pitas and hummus!



Vegan gyro with roasted artichoke, veggies, olives and hummus!



V is for vitamins, do you take them, and if so, what kinds?

I love the sour Flintstones gummy vitamins! They are so yummy and make me feel like a little kid again!

W is for water, where do you get yours from?

Usually from my fridge’s dispenser. I always have to have it with ice, though.

X is for eXtra special, what food holds a special place in your heart?

This one is pretty tricky, but I’m gonna have to go with gelato. I only get it rarely, once a month at the most, but it is so delicious and creamy without being heavy and full of fat.



Soy chocolate and birthday cake gelato...mmmmm!



Y is for yogurt, if you could only buy one cup, which would it be?

Oikos has my heart, and I love all their flavors, but if I had to choose only one, it would be their new superfruits flavor. It has acai, raspberry and blueberry (so it’s like 3 flavors in one…is that cheating?!)

Z is for zero guilt, which food never makes you feel guilty for eating it?

Though someday, I’d like to NEVER feel guilty about eating, I’m not there yet. However, eating fruit never gives me guilt. It’s the perfect treat, it tastes sweet but is super healthy.

Q: Choose one letter and tell me what you would say about it (for example, A= what’s your favorite kind of apple)!


P.S. I changed the design of my blog (again!) Hope you like it :)

Q&A Time and an Anniversary

Thank you SO MUCH for the questions you left me—they are so insightful and hopefully I can answer them in a way that makes sense and maybe helps you with your own struggles. But first, a little anniversary I need to mention…

Today marks the second anniversary of me being in recovery from anorexia. On March 14, 2009 my parents confronted me about my eating disorder and everything that was going on along with it. I knew it was coming, since my mom took me to the doctor a few days before and that was the day I found out how little I weighed. But it was still such a shock, to realize that my parents knew what was going on. Honestly, it was both one of the worst days and one of the best days of my life. I cried for most of the day, as my parents forced me to eat normal amounts of food that I wasn’t used to and made my stomach hurt. Looking back, I can’t believe I threw a tantrum that night when my dad made me eat an apple! I went to bed with an ache in my stomach and hatred in my heart. I was so entrenched in the eating disorder that I couldn’t see that they were helping me.

Over the next few weeks, they continued to monitor what I was eating very very closely. At school, they had no choice but to trust me. But usually, I did eat what was given to me. Not without a fight, but as the months passed, I argued less and less.

Two years ago was sort of a turning point for me. I wasn’t quite on the brink of death, but maybe a month or so of my old habits and I would have been. Looking back, I’m scared, both for myself and my parents. They didn’t always do what was best for me, but they love me so much and had to try whatever they thought would work. I was lucky enough that they didn’t push weight gain all at once—a lot of times, gaining weight quickly can make someone spiral back into their ED. In fact, in these 2 years, I’ve gained 15 lbs and am currently maintaining so my weight gain wasn’t so fast, which I think is a really good thing.



A few months into my recovery

Even though it’s two years later, I would not say I’m ‘recovered’. Honestly, I’m not even close. I still measure some of my food, obsess over calories and weight and I have a lot of negative thoughts about my body. But I don’t hate myself as much as I used to. I’m working to accept my new body, which is much healthier now. I’m technically still underweight, but it’s a healthy weight for me. I eat 5 balanced meals a day, and I’m not as scared of fats anymore. I can experiment with recipes and my food isn’t limited to the blandest, ‘healthiest’ options available. I am still very committed to eating healthy, organic or all-natural and mostly meat-free, but I eat dessert every night, whether it’s frozen yogurt or a bowl of cereal. I feel like I have come a long way. I no longer see a therapist or a dietician and I’m doing pretty well without them. I’ve made it through a semester and a half of college and it’s over 2 hours away from home. I’m no longer the fragile, sad girl I was two years ago. I’m stronger, happier, more independent and ready to take on the world! I don’t know when I’ll truly consider myself ‘recovered’ but I know it will happen someday.


Graduation night!!!!!!!

Okay, now on to the Q&A! I’m so excited because I’ve never done this before and I loved all the questions I got.

Q-What role has God played in your recovery?

A- A very big one, actually. I accepted Jesus into my heart when I was 8 and I’ve gone to church and Sunday School as long as I can remember, but the spark in my faith really wasn’t there until I started recovering. I realized that God must want to use me for something because He kept me alive even though my body went through hell. That has really kept me going, even on my hardest days. I really started to be more devoted to my faith and my God when I started college and was on my own. My parents weren’t there to protect me, but God was. I joined a church near campus and I really like how inviting and friendly the people there are. I really enjoy watching my faith grow.

Q-Do you ever compare what you eat to what your sister eats and if so how do you get past that?

A- This has been kind of hard for me, too. My sister eats like a typical teen—she loves Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, ice cream, ramen noodles, Oreos and all that, and I’m definitely not like that at all. My idea of ‘junk food’ is baked chips and Clif bars! But I do compare the amounts I eat to what she eats, such as at dinner when we’re both eating the same thing. Oftentimes, she eats so much less of it than I do and I feel like such a pig for finishing my dinner. In those situations, I try to tell myself that we’re different people, we have different needs and different hunger cues. I’ve seen her eat a lot, so I know she doesn’t have an eating disorder, but sometimes I do feel like she should always eat at least as much as me. I guess it’s because I worry about her and I don’t want her to go through the same thing I went through.

Q-What’s your favorite place to shop for clothes?

A-I’d have to say my favorite place is Hollister—I just love their beachy, bright style and they always have something there that I love. In fact, I’m trying to get a job there (hopefully I wouldn’t end up spending my entire paycheck there!) But I also like American Eagle, Abercrombie & Fitch, Gilly Hicks and Target—they have really cute things that are super-cheap!

Q-What do you wish you could take back from your ED the most?

A- Definitely my love for life and that part of my teenage years. I regret that I wasted so much time being obsessed with counting calories and trying to lose weight. I missed out on some opportunities, like prom and dating guys, because I was so entrenched in my eating disorder. Now I have so many more responsibilities and I miss being a ‘kid’. I wish I could go back and do it all over, but I can’t and I’m determined not to let ED take anything away from me again!

Q-If you could relive any moment in your life, what would it be?

A- I think I would relive my high school graduation day. It passed by in such a blur that I barely remember it (and it was only last May) and it was such an exciting time. I remember being a freshman or sophomore and thinking I’d never graduate, but now I’m almost a quarter of the way done with college! Time flies by so fast…

This was so much fun to do and I’m so thankful for those of you who left questions for me! If you didn’t get the chance to, leave them in the comments and I will definitely answer them in one of my next posts. Thanks for reading J

Spring Break Part 1

Hola chicas! I hope your weekend went well and your Monday won’t be too rough on you.

Tomorrow through Thursday, I have the house to myself from 8 am til 2 pm so I’m not sure what’s gonna go down then. It’ll be nice to just relax and chill. My spring break so far has been pretty busy, and it’s only the second day!

Yesterday, I went to Whole Foods and Super Target with my dad to get groceries that I needed for the week and for a few recipes. I got a bunch of stuff, but I was disappointed to find out that WF does NOT sell peanut flour! Since there is no Trader Joe’s in the state, I guess I will have to go without (or maybe order online…) There were a few free samples as usual but I only tried some salsa and a little oatmeal pancake from a mix. It was really tasty so I think I’ll have to buy some of that mix.

Last night, I made pineapple cinnamon rolls from scratch. Everything was going smoothly until I plopped the dough onto a cutting board and realized it was wayyyyy too sticky for me to flatten and roll up! I added some more flour, and it worked a little better, but the dough was really thick and impossible for me to roll out, so I did the best I could with my hands and then let them rise. They were either supposed to rise at room temperature for 40 minutes or in the fridge overnight—I did both, which did not work. They rose when I had them out but then I put them in the fridge and this morning, they were almost as flat as pancakes! Luckily, they were a little less sticky, so I tried to roll them into cinnamon roll shapes and popped them in the oven. They spread out but stayed pretty flat and when I tasted them, they were kinda bland. My dad had one and he agreed, but he said the pineapple part was good. So that was a disappointment.



Lunch, part 1--ice water, pineapple, chocolate brownie Pure bar



After lunch, my dad, sister and I headed out to go play tennis. But my dad really wanted to take me to pick up job applications for the summer so we stopped at a few places and most of them told us to just apply online. I was kinda mad, because he was trying to convince me to work at fast-food type places, which are out of the question for me. So we kind of got into a fight but it was definitely better once we actually started playing tennis. We played for an hour, even though it was really cold and windy (at one point, it snowed a little bit!) and my sister and I were wearing shorts. Even though my foot still hurt, I still had a lot of fun and improved a little bit at my backhand.

Lunch, part 2--romaine and mixed green salad topped with Soysation cheddar, chipotle hummus and maple apple chicken sausage

Back at home, I had dinner planned: Philly cheesesteaks. Well, I was making a vegan version for myself and a regular version for my parents, since they’re not really into vegetarian or vegan things. Mine was made from Gardein beefless tips, orange and yellow bell peppers, white onion and a little slice of vegan pepper jack cheese on Whole Foods ciabatta. Seriously, it was really good. I hate red meat of any kind, so this was a great alternative for me. Unfortunately, I had to touch some deli roast beef and actual cheese and I was so grossed out but my parents ended up loving their sandwiches. My dad even tried a little of the beefless tips and he liked them.



Vegan Philly, carrots, spicy pepper mustard and baked Alexia waffle fries=YUM!

I also tried making a fudgie again, this time using maple syrup and orange extract. OMG, so rich and fudge-like! I refrigerated it and I’m planning on having it with my snack tonight. I can’t wait!



All it takes to make a fudgie is 3 ingredients (plus water)



Thanks for the questions so far on my last post! I can’t wait to answer them tomorrow but I’d love more questions, so keep ‘em coming if you haven’t already! And get ready for tomorrow’s post!

ABCs and Q&A

Hi girls, hope you’re enjoying your weekend so far! I’m having a great spring break already and it’s only the first day J

So today I wanted to do the ABC thing that’s been going around because it’s fun and random…but I also wanted to ask you guys to ask me any questions you’d like to ask about my recovery journey, food, fashion, whatever comes to mind. I want to do a special post on Monday with all the answers to your questions, so feel free to leave them in the comments section—you can definitely give me more than one!

Ok, so here goes with the ABC’s of me!

A-Age: 18, but I can’t wait to turn 19 in almost 4 months! I just like odd numbers better for some reason, haha

B-Bed Size: Twin at home and twin extra-long at school. Yeah, I know, they’re not very roomy

My lovely bed

C-Chore I Dislike: Washing dishes—I hate touching other people’s half-eaten food

D-Dogs: Never had any but I’d love a greyhound!



Awhhhhhhhhhh...

E-Essential Start to Day: Organic cereal and yoga

F-Favorite Color: Pink! But I love orange too



I changed my outfit 3 times today and each outfit included a LOT of pink ;)



G-Gold or Silver: Most def silver

H-Height: 5’1…yes, I am very small!

I-Instruments I’ve Played: The piano, clarinet, tenor saxophone and alto saxophone but I haven’t played any of them in a looooooong time!

J-Job Title: One day I hope it’s news anchor but now it’s just college student

K-Kids: I want twin girls!

L-Live: Northern Colorado during the school year, southern Colorado on breaks and some weekends


My hometown :)

 M-Mom’s Name: Um, I call her Mommy (lol)

N-Nicknames: My real name is Ashley, so an obvious one is Ash

O-Overnight Hospital Stays: Luckily, no!

P-Pet Peeves: When you’re sitting in a row of desks that are all connected and the person next to you move in their chair and it moves you too—ugh, so annoying

Q-Quote from a Movie: “I gotta meet this fricken bird!” hahaha from The House Bunny, such a funny movie

R-Righty or Lefty: Righty

S-Siblings: One sister who’s 3 1/2 years younger than me…she’s my BFF J

T-Time I Wake Up: No later than 9:30 or I feel like I wasted the whole day

U-Underwear: What, me wear underwear?! Hahaha jk I mostly wear Victoria’s Secret PINK undies

V-Vegetable I Dislike: Arugula. It just ruins a perfectly good salad!


Ewwwwwww!

W-What Makes Me Run Late: Making sure I have everything I need…several times. Yes I’m paranoid.

X-X-rays: Teeth, right ankle, left wrist

Y-Yummy Food I Make: I love making healthy desserts and twists on different cuisines, like a Greek Panini or an Asian fish sandwich

Z-Zoo Animal Favorites: I like flamingos because they’re pink and I also like those okapi things that look kinda like zebras.

No, not these flamingos!

Q’s: Leave any questions for me in the comments below and I’ll post the answers on Monday!