Long Time No Blog!

Hi everyone! I know I haven't blogged in what seems like forever--almost 2 and a half months! I hate to have left you guys hanging with such a downer of a post, so I decided to come back.


I just got 2 very sweet comments on my last post that really made me realize that I miss this blogging community. I actually haven't completely left blogging really--I'm just doing more of it over at almostveggirlie, since I discovered that Wordpress is a lot easier to use. And I also wanted to try to focus less on my eating disorder and more about the rest of my life. 


I am definitely doing a lot better since I posted last. Yes, I am still struggling with feeling okay with eating a good amount, but my body image is much stronger now. I don't hate what I see in the mirror every day, and that is amazing. I am somewhat alright with eating 'indulgences' like froyo and falafel. I don't want to starve my body and mind of what it needs. Sure, I sometimes don't eat enough but I am definitely working on fueling myself the right way. And I think if I do that, my body image will improve even more. There are hard days for sure, but I have to say most days are great.


I had a wonderful Thanksgiving break last week with my family, and I'm so ready to be done with this semester. It's definitely getting stressful with all the finals and projects, but I know that I'll enjoy Christmas break even more if I just push through all this hard stuff. And it's a month off from school, who wouldn't want that?!


So I hope you guys will all come back and read over here (if I decide to keep posting on this blog) or read my Wordpress blog if you want a lot of random posts about food, fashion and my life in general. Hope you all have been doing well and I'll definitely try to catch up on commenting on all your blogs.


Ash :)

Loving Your WHOLE Self

Hey everyone! I hope you’ve had a great weekend J Mine was pretty good, surprisingly busy, but I got to catch up with a friend of mine I hadn’t seen since before winter break, so that was really nice.

I have to admit that I’ve been hearing the ED voice a lot recently. I think it’s because I’m under a lot of stress with new classes starting and getting used to being back on campus. But…it SUCKS! I hate being stressed out and having to deal with my anorexia crap. So I wanted to offer a little hope to all of you, and to myself.

It’s hard for anyone to really love themselves all the time. Sure, many people are self-centered, but they do have their bad days when they beat themselves up over a mistake. I feel like having an eating disorder of any kind can intensify this self-hatred to the extreme. There are so many days I wake up and just point out all my “flaws”—then I look back on it and it makes me really sad to think that I would say all that to myself, but I keep on doing it. I think ED enjoys abusing us L

But I’m trying (really trying) to see myself for who I really am—human, which means I have issues just like everyone else, but I don’t have to let my mistakes and quirks get me down. I can embrace them and let them make me a better person.

I’ve always been on the small side for my age. So I’m no stranger to the “short” jokes—the 50^th one hurts no less than the first one, unfortunately. Luckily, it goes away for the most part in college, since most people have better stuff to talk about. I still find myself wishing I could be at least a few inches taller, but I’m trying to accept my 5’1 frame for what it is. That’s what heels are for, right? I like being petite and it makes me who I am.

I also have a young-looking face. Adults always tell me that I’ll love it when I’m older. Right now, it kinda sucks. I feel like no one takes me seriously because I look like I could still be a freshman in high school…or even a middle-schooler! But it gives me the opportunity to show off my mental and emotional maturity, and that’s what really counts.

I am a shy person by nature…well at least some people would tell you that. Anyone I’ve known for a while knows that I like to talk. I am so comfortable around my family. I can talk for hours with good friends. But put me in a room with people I barely know and I probably won’t say much. I’ll respond politely to any questions you ask, but I might not ask you many back. It’s not that I’m snotty or stand-offish; it’s just that I have a hard time thinking of conversation starters with people I don’t know.

I am also extremely emotional. I do wish I were a little stronger when it comes to criticism, but I’m not. I cry when I get into little fights with my sister. I take things too seriously and personally. However, I feel like this quality makes me a little more empathetic to others’ problems and situations.

There are too many days that I beat myself up for saying something stupid, tripping in public (I’m kind of a klutz) or just hate my body. I want there to be more days when I like what I see in the mirror and I can take all my issues and “flaws” in stride and help them make me who I really am. I hope you can take some time today to compliment yourself for something you do really well, or appreciate your quirks. You’ll feel so much better when you do.

Who I Really Am

I know there’s a me behind the ED. I want to be that person again. Every time I overanalyze food or criticize my body, I am letting anorexia win. But I want to be the ultimate winner. I am in this to win it.

I am a girl who has a great sense of fashion. I am a good student who is committed to school. I am shy, but a loyal friend. I am a supportive big sister. I am a devoted daughter. I have big dreams for myself. I won’t let ED take those away from me. I have bad days, and good days, but I won’t let the bad ones get me down. I am emotional, but I am usually happy. THIS is me…

…not this. I am good at counting calories. I am my biggest critic. I have self-control when it comes to food. I am addicted to the mirror, but I hate what I see. I let others control me. I want to please everyone but myself. I think being skinny is better than being a nice person. I will never be thin enough. I feel a high when I restrict.

I like the real me better…



This is the real, likes-to-take-artistic-pictures-of-herself me :)