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| Little did this cute baby know that she'd hate herself one day... |
For my whole life I've been petite. I was always one of the shortest and smallest kids in class so everyone always thought I was younger than I am. Like a lot of kids, I was teased for my differences throughout my school days.
I also never had a real boyfriend, unlike most of my friends. By the time I got to high school, my friends and I sort of drifted apart. My best friend since third grade never had the time to hang out with me like we used to. I felt lonely, even with new friends. I've always been kind of shy so it didn't help my feelings.
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| This is how I felt with my ED--like a skeleton, or a shadow |
My eating disorder really began when I was a freshman, but it didn't really become noticeable or all-encompassing until I was a junior. I started out just eliminating junk food--I was never really a junk-food eater but I stopped eating things I used to love. I started caring about calories and choosing foods that were low in fat.
We never had a scale so I couldn't weigh myself so I became addicted to measuring myself with a tape measure. At 16, I was already wearing a size 00 (naturally) but as I lost weight, my jeans became looser. I was obsessed with looking at myself in the mirror, but I always thought I was fat. Actually, I was underweight to begin with, and I was getting dangerously skinny.
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| I was in the middle of my anorexia, and I wasn't truly happy |
After a few months of restricting my calories under 1000 (not to mention working out at least 45 minutes every day in PE class), my parents caught on. My mom scheduled a doctor appointment for me and when they weighed me, I was shocked to see that I was 76 lbs at a height of 5'1. I had lost 9 pounds in the matter of a couple months. I was told that I was almost to the point of hospitalization. A few days later, my parents confronted me about my eating disorder. From that awful day on, I've been on the path to recovery.
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| Now I'm in recovery, and I'm happy again! |
I've been to a nutritionist and a therapist, but now I'm doing it all on my own, with the help of my family. I've finished my first year of college, and so far I've been able to maintain my weight for the most part. I've gained about 14 pounds since my lowest point, and while my disordered thoughts are not completely gone, it's safe to say that I'm out of the pit of despair. I'm ready to live my life again!
