Long Time No Blog!

Hi everyone! I know I haven't blogged in what seems like forever--almost 2 and a half months! I hate to have left you guys hanging with such a downer of a post, so I decided to come back.


I just got 2 very sweet comments on my last post that really made me realize that I miss this blogging community. I actually haven't completely left blogging really--I'm just doing more of it over at almostveggirlie, since I discovered that Wordpress is a lot easier to use. And I also wanted to try to focus less on my eating disorder and more about the rest of my life. 


I am definitely doing a lot better since I posted last. Yes, I am still struggling with feeling okay with eating a good amount, but my body image is much stronger now. I don't hate what I see in the mirror every day, and that is amazing. I am somewhat alright with eating 'indulgences' like froyo and falafel. I don't want to starve my body and mind of what it needs. Sure, I sometimes don't eat enough but I am definitely working on fueling myself the right way. And I think if I do that, my body image will improve even more. There are hard days for sure, but I have to say most days are great.


I had a wonderful Thanksgiving break last week with my family, and I'm so ready to be done with this semester. It's definitely getting stressful with all the finals and projects, but I know that I'll enjoy Christmas break even more if I just push through all this hard stuff. And it's a month off from school, who wouldn't want that?!


So I hope you guys will all come back and read over here (if I decide to keep posting on this blog) or read my Wordpress blog if you want a lot of random posts about food, fashion and my life in general. Hope you all have been doing well and I'll definitely try to catch up on commenting on all your blogs.


Ash :)

Feeling Hot Hot Hot...Or Not

Hey girlies, thanks for all the wise words on my last post. They were just what I needed to get back on track with my eating.

My first week of my sophomore year is almost over (!) and so far, I've been enjoying it. I like my classes for the most part (minus statistics, but I hate math anyways) and I'm really loving having my own room. It's been amazing to be able to come back after classes and just relax and not have to deal with a roommate, and be able to wake up and go to sleep whenever I want.

That's my schedule for this semester. You probably can't read it, plus some of the classes aren't shown in the picture, so I'll just give you all a quick rundown. On Monday, Wednesday and Friday I have Individual & Family Development at 10, then Public Relations at 1. Friday I also have a Statistics recitation at 3. On Tuesday and Thursday, I have Statistics at 9 (I hate having class this early, but it hasn't been too awful yet), American West Since 1900 at 11 (it's a history class) and then Newswriting at 1. I really love the newswriting class, since it's in my major and my professor is super funny. And the class is really small, like 15 people, so I feel like it's more personal. It's weird because I'm in two 300 level classes, which I guess are usually mostly juniors, so whenever I go to those classes, the professors are like "You guys are so mature. Well then again, you are juniors!" Haha, it makes me feel really mature, since I'm just a sophomore.

So I was feeling great all week...until yesterday. Around lunch, I started feeling sick, but in a weird way. I had a strange feeling in my throat and some nausea, but I brushed it off and went to class. By the time I got there, I was feeling worse. I could barely concentrate during class because I thought I was going to throw up (TMI, sorry). Plus I was suddenly freezing, even though it was 90+ degrees outside.

Well, I made it through class and then walked back to my room. As soon as I got back, I tried to sleep. I was alternating between being too cold and too hot and I still felt crappy. But I was able to nap for almost 2 hours, and I felt a little better afterwards. I looked up my symptoms on WebMD and I guessed that I had heat exhaustion. Definitely a possibility, since I had been walking to and from classes for 45 minutes in 90 degree heat.

After my nap, I was kinda hungry so I had a small snack. But afterwards, I felt horrible again. At this point, the ED voice kicked in and was telling me that obviously, eating was out of the question, since I felt sick again afterwards. But...I was able to push those voices aside and I was able to eat a small dinner and a nighttime snack. I knew I had to fuel my body, even though it didn't make me feel awesome.

Today, I've still been feeling a little "off" but definitely much better. And I've continued to fuel my body, because I know it needs it.

Have you ever dealt with heat exhaustion? If you're in college (or ever were), what is/was your favorite class?

Back-to-School Blues & Hunger Cues

So my sophomore year starts tomorrow, and I can't believe where the summer's gone. I'm kind of sad it's almost over, but also excited to start the new school year fresh. I'm really hoping it'll be a lot better than last year. I liked last year, but I wasn't on the best of terms with my freshman year roommate and it kind of soured my experience. This year, I'm still in the dorms, but in a much nicer and newer building (with air conditioning!) and I have a room to myself. I do have to share a bathroom with 2 other girls, so I'm really hoping we hit it off or at least have a better relationship than my ex-roomie and I had. So far, they and a lot of other people (including guys!) on my floor seem really nice so I'm hoping everything goes well.

Move-in weekend was a lot smoother than last year for sure. My dad and I drove up Friday morning, grabbed lunch at Qdoba and then got to unloading the car. We took several trips up and down three flights of stairs and the elevator, but we got all of it in. My mom and sister drove up later and we unloaded the rest of the stuff and then headed over to the hotel we were staying at over the weekend. Then we got some dinner at one of my favorite places, Mad Greens. I've gotta admit, I've been kind of restricting a lot this weekend, not necessarily on purpose but my hunger has been out of whack since Saturday and it's freaking me out. Now I think it's back, but I still feel that pull towards continuing restricting so I'm not sure how that's going to go down this week, especially with all the stressage from new classes. I ended up getting a salad with baby greens, artichoke hearts, roasted red peppers, cannellini beans and tofu and I really just did not like the taste of it, so I barely ate any of it. But I did steal some bites of pita from my dad's panini so at least I did eat something.



Qdoba Naked Fajita Burrito with lime rice, black beans, pico de gallo and grilled veggies


Saturday we woke up bright and early at a quarter to 9. I had a small breakfast of Bear Naked granola and green grapes, since I still wasn't hungry, but I had a little breakdown when my mom insisted that I eat the Light 'n Fit yogurt she brought up from the breakfast buffet in the lobby. I was mostly upset because it wasn't my usual organic Greek yogurt with tons of protein (this yogurt only had 3 grams!) and natural ingredients. I ate a tiny bit and then threw out the rest when she wasn't looking. I really felt sneaky, like I did back in my ED days when I'd throw my food in the trash and never got caught. But honestly, the yogurt tasted way too sweet and chemical-y for me so I couldn't eat any more of it.

After getting some things at the store (including another mini fridge so I could turn it into a makeshift freezer), we headed back to the hotel for a quick lunch. My hunger was still mostly MIA, so I just ended up having most of a 200-calorie vegan tortilla soup (delish, BTW) and some grapes. The sad thing was, I actually felt guilty for eating that much because my mom only had some crackers and hummus because she wasn't hungry, either.

The parentals left for the rest of the afternoon to go on brewery tours so my sis and I just chilled at the hotel. We went to the pool for a little bit, played around with the radio in the room and people-watched from our third-story window. Some time during the afternoon, I finally felt a little hunger pang so I had some multigrain chips that I brought along. At this point, the hunger wouldn't go away, so I had some more grapes and a little granola. Of course, I felt incredibly guilty for eating this much, even though I was hungry.

We went out to dinner at a new-to-us place called Beach House Grill. At first, I didn't think I was going to like it, but I ended up getting something I really loved. For the first time all weekend, I feel like I actually ate a decent amount, even though it was pretty low-cal: a few small pieces of grilled mahi mahi in lettuce wraps, with fruit salsa and black beans and rice on the side. I also tried some of the green salsa and it was really spicy, so I had to drink a lot of water. I ended up feeling uncomfortably full after dinner (because of all the water), so again I felt guilty. I did end up feeling hungry again later so I had a small snack of Whole Foods sandwich cookies and raisins.



Some gorgeous flowers at the CSU gardens


Today has been rough eating-wise, too. I had an okay breakfast, a salad of just greens and grapes at lunch, some delicious birthday cake and soy chocolate gelato (best thing I've had all weekend!) for a snack and then my floor went to the dining hall for dinner together and I ended up just getting a salad with carrots and a few sunflower seeds with grapes on the side. Definitely not enough fuel, considering I've been running around campus and town most of the day. I tried to make up for it by having some multigrain chips and pineapple earlier, but I know I didn't eat enough.



I think I could just live on gelato...


Right now, I'm just incredibly exhausted from the weekend and stressed out about school. The last thing I need to think about now is food...which is exactly why I'm slipping. And now that I've had this slip-up last all weekend, it's so much easier to keep giving in and eat less and less. I haven't felt the urge to restrict in a long time, but it's back again. And I don't know what to do...


What do you do to get back on track after days of eating less?

A Lovely Week (and a Lovely Recipe)

Hi guys, how are you? I hope you’re enjoying some nice weather where you are. It’s finally sunny here again and a little warmer, like in the low 70s! I’m just glad it’s not raining, or even worse, snowing. Yes, we actually got a dusting of snow on Sunday morning and it was not cool :/

Anyways, I recently received the Lovely Blog Award by the very lovely Bryana! Thank you so much, girl, for tagging me!

The Rules:

1.) Post this award with the picture and link back to the person who tagged you.
2.) Share 7 random things about yourself.
3.) Award 15 bloggers and let them know you tagged them.

So since I have done a lot of these random facts posts, I decided to do a little twist on the award and instead tell you 7 exciting or interesting things that have happened to me in the past week. Here goes!

1) I got a volunteer job at the library as a summer reading volunteer. I don't know what I'm actually going to be doing (hopefully reading to the kids or something cool like that) but I'm pretty much committed on Saturdays from noon to 2 from the beginning of June until the end of July. Unfortunately, it's unpaid (and my parents are still making me look for a job :/) but at least it's something that can go on my resume and should be kind of fun.

2) I drove for the first time in months on Saturday! I don't have a car when I'm at college, so I haven't driven since December I think! Sad, because I like driving so it was good to get behind the wheel. I drove to Whole Foods, too, which was a bonus :)

3) I got good grades in all my classes. I was a little freaked out that I'd get a C or 2 but luckily, 4 B's and 2 A's. It was a hard semester, so I should be proud of myself!

4) I have an eyelash problem. No, seriously! Occasionally, I get this weird pain in my eyelid where the eyelashes grow from, and I think it's because they grow in the wrong way or something. Usually, I can find the problem eyelash easily and pluck it so the pain goes away but I haven't been so lucky this time...

5) I've only worn shorts once in the past week! I thought by mid May the weather would be so nice, but most of these past 7 days have been cloudy, cool and sometimes rainy. Today I finally got to wear shorts...but my house feels freezing cold (even though the thermostat says 73 degrees) and I should probably be wearing capris. I never understood how 73 degrees outside feels so much warmer than 73 degrees inside!

6) I have made most of my own meals since I got home and I'm loving it! I love being able to use the grill, the stove and the oven to whip up amazing things. And of course, having tons more ingredients on hand so I can get creative.

Brekkie the other day--a cinnamon raisin Ezekiel English muffin with a dark chocolate orange fudgie spread on, chocolate Oikos, fresh pineapple and a spicy veggie sausage

7) Finally, I came up with my very own veggie burger recipe! I like veggie burgers a lot, but I've never had one that I was wowed by...except my own! And because I'm so generous (haha) I'm gonna share it with you guys!

Southwestern Black Bean Quinoa Burgers

(Makes 3 palm-sized burgers, increase everything to make more/bigger ones)

1/2 cup black beans, drained and rinsed

1/4 cup uncooked quinoa (makes 1/2 cup cooked, make sure to rinse!)

2 tsp chili powder

1 1/2 tsp crunchy almond butter (adds some crunch)

1 tsp turmeric

1 tsp ground cumin

1/2 tsp ginger

Cook quinoa until all water is boiled off and quinoa is fluffy. Mix all ingredients in a food processor or high-powered blender until mixture sticks together. Stick in the fridge for 15-30 minutes to chill. Heat saucepan or skillet on the stove over medium heat and spray pan with nonstick cooking spray. Take veggie burger mixture out of the fridge and form into 3 patties. Place burgers in pan and cook until outside is crunchy and browned, about 5-7 minutes per side.

I served mine on an Ezekiel tortilla with spicy pepper mustard (love!), a mix of grapes and golden raspberries (yes, golden raspberries!), carrots and some Bear Naked Fit granola. Such a yummy lunch!

I loved this lunch!

So that's what I've been up to this week! Oh, and yesterday I braided my hair for the first time in a while and I liked how it turned out!

I love my hair, too :)

Q's: What's one thing interesting that you did this week? Have you ever made your own veggie burgers? 

 

It's Finally Here!

Well, girls, it’s finally here…summer! I am officially no longer a freshman, though I never consider myself in the next grade until the summer’s over and school starts again. So I’m not quite a sophomore, but I’m definitely not a freshman! Woohoo!

The last two days were kind of crappy, weather-wise. I can’t believe on Tuesday I was wearing a sleeveless dress and studying outside in the sunshine (and I got a little sunburned haha) and on Wednesday it rained pretty much all day. I’ve lived in dry states my entire life, so rain almost all day two days in a row felt so weird and way too wet for me. It probably really only rained an inch or two total over both days, since the rain was light, but to me it seemed like I was in Seattle! Now I know I’ll never move anywhere that it rains regularly!

I am so glad to have all my finals behind me. Yesterday dragged on, because I was so anxious for my mom to come up so we could take my stuff and then get out of there. It felt so surreal to check out and return my keys. It really hasn’t felt like an entire school year has gone by since I started college! Time really does fly fast. In a way, it was sad, but I was mostly just happy to move on with my life. This year was both good and bad, but I’m kinda glad it’s over.

After we loaded up all my stuff (literally, it took up the entire trunk and back row of our mid-size SUV!), my mom and I went to Mad Greens (a salad place I mentioned in this post) as a little celebration dinner. I’ve loved every salad I’ve ever gotten from there, but the one I had last night was really good! It was called the Don Quixote and it was kind of Southwestern inspired, with spinach, grilled corn, fresh avocado, grilled chicken, a spicy yogurt dressing and my favorite—mango! I love fruit so much, so anytime I can get some (especially fresh and cold) I always do! The only thing I would have added was black beans.

Today has been pretty chill. A lot warmer and sunnier than yesterday and Wednesday, but it feels more like March than May. Oh well, I know summer weather is just around the corner. I had so much fun unpacking all my stuff this morning (not!) I’m just happy that my room is clean now because I can’t stand having stuff all over my floor!

I’m gonna leave you with a delicious food pic! Sadly, it’s not of my salad last night (which was huge, btw) but of my lunch today! I’ve recently gotten really into making vegan quesadillas. All you do is take a large tortilla (the Ezekiel sprouted kind is my fave), slice up some chunks of soy or almond cheese (I used some jalapeno-flavored almond cheese in mine) and pop it in the microwave for 45 seconds or until the ‘cheese’ is all melty and the tortilla is a little crispy! So good, and (in my opinion) better than an actual quesadilla.

Lunch today--vegan quesadilla made with a light Flat Out wrap, jalapeno almond cheese, Pink Lady apple (love!), carrots, salsa for dippage and a Kashi cereal bar

Q’s: If your summer has started, how is it so far? If not, what are you looking forward to most this summer?

Almost There

Hi guys! Did you all have a nice Mother’s Day? Well, the real question should be did your mom have a nice Mother’s Day haha!

I’m pretty sure mine did. I realized a few weeks back (yes, I’m a little slow) that Mother’s Day was the weekend before I was coming home for the summer, and I wasn’t planning on going home this past weekend. But then I thought of an amazing idea: my family could all come up to spend the day with me! Well that’s exactly what happened, and I loved it! My parents and sister drove the 2 1/2 hours up to be with me. We had a picnic lunch by the huge (well, huge for CO) lake near my campus, walked around the city park (also huge, with another lake) for a while, grabbed some froyo, sat out on a patio downtown while my parents drank, got dinner at a nice restaurant then headed back to my dorm to load up most of my stuff. That took so many trips, but a lot less than if I had to load everything. I pretty much made my dad carry all the heavy stuff, haha, that’s what he was there for (just kidding). It was a really nice day, I loved being able to spend Mother’s Day with my mom having fun outside. The weather was perfect, too, sunny all day and really really warm! It was at least in the 80s, it probably broke a high temperature record it was so hot for May.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t struggle with restriction. I’ve noticed that I tend to freak out a lot if I have to eat out multiple times in one day. Then I restrict a little, which I never do normally anymore. We got Subway for lunch, and I’m not a huge fan of Subway, but I got a sandwich anyway, the veggie delite. It was the only one I really felt ‘safe’ about eating. I piled it with a bunch of veggies, got it on the wheat bread and only got regular mustard as the sauce. You’d think after choosing something so ‘safe’ (aka low-cal) I would have eaten the whole thing. Well…I didn’t. I would have, except I actually wasn’t really hungry and my sister only ate half of her sandwich (the Italian kind) and I didn’t want to look like a pig. So I only ate half. Then when we got froyo, which I normally really love, I apparently got a small amount because my mom told me that I could get more. If she hadn’t pointed that out, I probably wouldn’t have gotten more. Well, it was still yummy (it was the strawberry lemonade flavor, topped with berries). The place we went to for dinner had their menu online and I had checked it out beforehand to see what I should get. There was no nutritional info, so I just looked to see what sounded good and ‘safe’. At the restaurant, I ended up getting a salad topped with blackened grilled tuna, salsa and mandarin oranges. It has a dressing on the side, but it was creamy so I completely avoided it for that reason. I tried only a tiny bit, and it was really good and spicy, but I was just freaked out. I did eat most of my salad (including most of the tuna), but I knew it probably wasn’t enough. I did have a snack after my parents left, but it didn’t make up for all my restriction.

I hate to always end my posts with how I’m struggling, so I’ll end this one on a happy note: I have finished 2 out of 5 finals and I finally finished my paper for my composition class. I’ve just got to get through three more days, three more finals and then I’m free! Well, except for getting the rest of my stuff out of my room… J

Dinner tonight--sweet tater topped with strawberry Greek yogurt (with more on the side), grapes and unpictured iced coffee with almond milk

I'm So Fly...

Hahaha just kidding, but I’m pretty much writing this on the fly because I’ve been incredibly busy this week. It was my “dead week” this week (or the crazy-busy week before finals, for those of you not in college) and I pretty much had something due every day. On Tuesday, I met up with my ad agency group from my advertising course to go over our presentation that was on Wednesday. It ended up going for 2 full hours, even though we basically did nothing, so I ended up walking back to my room in the dark. But it was all good, it wasn’t too cold and no one attacked me (like I always freak out about at night). Wednesday I had a conference with my composition professor about my big paper due this Thursday and then in the afternoon I had my agency presentation, which went pretty well. I was actually the only freshman in my group, and in the class, too, so I felt like I did just as well as the upperclassmen. Thursday was my first final, and the one I was most freaked out about. It didn’t seem too hard, so I hope I did pretty well on it. Me and my friend in that class always talk about how hard it is, but we both think we did okay on the final. And yesterday was the last day of classes of my freshman year! Gosh, time really does fly!

Today I’m supposed to be studying my butt off, because I have four finals next week! One I’m not at all worried about, because it’s open-note! I just have to take a few notes and I’m good. My other three finals aren’t cumulative, either, so I’m trying not to stress about them too much. I have all of Wednesday to study for the last two, and then after my last final on Thursday, I’m outta here! I’m so ready to be home for three months. I’ve really missed seeing my family for more than just a weekend, having my own bathroom, doing yoga outside and of course, cooking! I hope I can get right back in the kitchen next weekend because microwave cooking is getting really old.

My only stress right now (besides finals, duh!) is packing up all my stuff! Really, I have a lot of stuff in this tiny dorm and it’s all gotta go…home, that is! My family’s coming up tomorrow (yay!) because it’s Mother’s Day and they’re also taking back most of my stuff. So I’ve also got to pack today. I’ve never really minded packing, it’s kind of fun, but I have so much it’s not even funny.

This morning, I went for a nice 20 minute walk around campus. It was so nice…and unusually warm! My weather app on my iPod said it was only 70, but it felt like 80! About halfway through my walk, I started to get lightheaded and my head started to hurt. I really wasn’t sure why, I didn’t feel like 20 minutes was overkill. Now, I’d be lying if I didn’t say my walk was partly ED-fueled, but it was mostly because I wanted to enjoy the sun and warm weather. But when I got back to my dorm, I didn’t feel guilty at all that it was only 20 minutes because of how weird I felt. Don’t worry, I drank a lot of water when I got back and I feel so much better now! Even though I’m still struggling with exercising because ED tells me to, I’m trying to listen to my body, too, and give it what it wants.

A tulip I saw on my walk!

I guess I should probably start studying, so enjoy the rest of your weekend, ladies!

Q’s: What’s the weather like where you are? What are you stressing about now?

So Ready to be Done

Happy Sunday, girlies! I hope you’ve had an amazing weekend, and if you have final exams coming up that you’re not too stressed. I’m just starting to feel the stress and I know it will get worse by next weekend :/

If you couldn’t already tell by the title of my post, I’m so ready to be done with school! This year has gone by really fast, which is sort of scary but also exciting. I can’t wait to be a sophomore in college and start taking classes beyond the boring basic requirements. I’m also really glad that this year’s gone by fast, because of my roommate situation. I won’t go too much into it, I did talk about it in this post if you want some background, but basically she is inconsiderate and kind of unsocial. Now, I’m not the most outgoing person in the world, but I do sometimes randomly start up a conversation with someone I barely know and I’m not generally anxious in social situations. In my opinion, it shouldn’t be that hard to talk to your roommate, especially after an entire school year, but that’s just me. I’m honestly sick and tired of being the one to always start conversations with her that really end up nowhere anyway. It just feels incredibly awkward to me to live with someone and go for days without saying anything to them. I know that if that happened at home, my parents would ask what’s wrong with me! Seriously, all four of us love to talk so it’s pretty much never quiet, which I love. But anyways, I have my last week of classes this week and then finals next week and I’m done by Thursday evening! I’m so excited for summer but I’m not really excited to move all my stuff out of my dorm! That’s gonna be a huge project haha.

The dress I wore a week ago for Easter...except I had to wear a sweater too because it SNOWED :/

But the title of my post also refers to my ‘relationship’ with ED at the moment. Lately, I’ve been really struggling to see my body in a positive light. I haven’t had a full day where I thought I looked awesome, or even alright, in a looooooong time. Sure there are definitely moments where I look at myself and think, “Yeah, I look good!” but they don’t last and it’s making me mad. Today, it’s a little chillier than it has been so I put on some jeans, and I haven’t worn jeans in a few weeks, and this particular pair in over a month. They’ve always been snug, not slouchy like my boyfriend jeans, but they fit. I’ve usually felt a little uncomfortable in them, because I’m not used to how jeans should fit, but the feeling usually goes away after wearing them for a little bit. Today I feel like they are fitting me tighter than ever (though it’s probably ED talking) and I’ve felt so guilty every time I’ve eaten so far. I really hate how my perception of how clothes fit is so screwed up, and how it really gets to me. In fact, I felt compelled by ED to go for a walk around campus today, even though I usually wouldn’t on the weekend, since barely anyone is out and it feels creepy. In a way, I’m glad I did, because there were some other people out, but not so many that it seemed crowded, and I got some time to think. But most of those thoughts were about how fat I feel. I walked for a little more than half an hour, which is a decent amount, but of course it wasn’t enough for ED. Well, screw him! I just want him out of my life. I want to be able to focus on my finals, and then enjoying my summer, without him getting in the way. I’m so ready to be done with ED!

This picture is to piss ED off, because he said I look too fat in it but I think I look cute :)

Q: What are you most excited about this summer?

Busy Bee

Hey girls, thanks for all the words of advice in the last post. I am working on implementing them and hopefully something will change sooner or later. If not, I only have about 8 weeks left of school. I can’t believe in a week, I’ll be home for spring break! My first year of college has gone by so fast, it’s crazy!

I’m gonna be pretty busy this week, but hopefully I’ll get a post in sometime in the next few days, if not, then definitely Friday. I have two exams this week: an advertising midterm on Wednesday (first midterm ever!) and a regular exam in human origins, which is an anthropology class. It’s a pretty tough class so I’m studying my tail off for that one, and of course the midterm because it covers everything since mid-January. I usually don’t tend to get too stressed out about tests, but I do get a little distracted when studying! So I’m going to set a time-limit for myself on Monday when I go to the library so I don’t waste time on my iPod Touch. I tell you, it can be pretty addicting, all the apps ;) I also have a paper due Friday and a big homework assignment due the same day for my climate change class. And all the usual homework and stuff. I hate how the professors try to cram everything in the week before a break, but at least I’ll have a stress-free spring break! I’m so excited for it because I haven’t been home for longer than a weekend since mid-January. I really miss my family and being able to cook food in the oven, stove or grill! I definitely have some recipes lined up, so I’ll be sure to let you know how those turn out (pictures to come!) I’m also planning on doing some trail riding on my bike and long walks on my street.

Here are a few random pictures from this weekend so far. Not exciting, since I’m pretty much just studying and doing homework and laundry. But I have done some yoga and a little cardio, along with some late-night “Say Yes to the Dress” watching. And I’m not gonna miss the new SNL episode tonight!



My afternoon snack plate: half a mushy-ish banana, Kashi TLC crackers and spicy chipotle hummus





I've been putting these in my planner since I started second semester and they really are encouraging!



Q’s: When is your spring break (if you have one)? Any plans? Do you watch Saturday Night Live?

An (Almost) Good Day

Happy Thursday, girlies! Hope you’ve had a great day and are looking forward to the weekend. I’m just looking forward to next weekend, which is the start of my spring break!

So today’s post will be kinda short, just an update on the things from yesterday’s post and a little rant at the end which hopefully won’t be too negative.

I had a really nice time tonight with my friend. We just went out to eat, at the salad place I mentioned recently called Mad Greens. It was her first time there, and she loved her salad. I liked mine a lot, too. I got a Greek kind of salad, with Kalamata olives, citrus grilled chicken, onions, lettuce (of course!), tomatoes, cucumber yogurt dressing and edamame. Yeah, that’s kinda random, but I asked for no feta and the woman serving me asked if I wanted to substitute something, so I said edamame ‘cause I love it! Plus it’s a healthy fat (just like the olives), and I know I could use a little more of those, plus the dressing was fat-free, so I did need more fats.

I also had the strawberry banana overnight oats and the chocolate yogurt mess and they didn’t disappoint! I added an actual banana to the oats in the morning and that made them even better. And of course, the chocolate yogurt mess was amazing! Chocolate Greek yogurt with Bear Naked granola and half a banana—yum!



Yep, those are flax seeds (and a banana chunk)





Chocolate+granola+banana=pure yum



Other than that, the rest of my day wasn’t too great. My neck is feeling a little bit better but not much L And I’m really just getting annoyed with my roommate. We never really hit it off, and she barely talks to me, unless I ask her something first. And she just sits at her computer every time she’s in the room, which is the majority of the time. That’s what really annoys me. I’m out for like 7 straight hours three times a week and I get like a one hour break to myself for dinner! Tuesdays and Thursdays are usually better, but for the next few weeks she doesn’t have her first class, so she just sits at her computer until her next class starts. It bugs me because I do workouts in my room when I’m alone, like yoga and cardio, and I feel really weird doing it when she’s in there so I have to cram it all in later. And I feel awkward eating around her, but I don’t know if I can just like tell her to leave when I have breakfast. I feel like I’m always compromising, and I barely get the room to myself. Okay, rant over!

Q’s: Have you ever been to a salad restaurant? Any suggestions for what to do about my roommate?

Toxic People

I try to surround myself with positive people. Who wants to be around someone who’s negative all the time? Unfortunately, though, we can’t always choose who we are around.

I really can’t stand my roommate. At the end of last semester, I was so fed up with her lack of communication that I talked with my RA about it. But the problem didn’t really get resolved. Now my roommate will talk to me when I talk to her, but I still don’t like her. She makes the room smell, her side is a big mess and she doesn’t leave the room very much. Sometimes, I just want the room all to myself, and I can’t. I have classes for pretty much all afternoon three times a week, and I’d like to come back to an empty room where I can just chill and relax. Doesn’t happen. If she’s not in class or having a meal, she’s in here. Grr. I never get a weekend here to myself because she never goes home, despite living only 30 miles away, compared to my 200 mile round trip.

Early on, I used to go to dinner with her because I didn’t know anyone else all that well. I don’t know why I ever did. She regularly commented on how little I was eating—little compared to her—and why I ate so healthy. She acted like she was superior for being a vegetarian, but that just meant she could eat unlimited French fries and cheese pizza. Well, she doesn’t know about my anorexia, nor does she need to know. I don’t like her at all, so why should I tell her something so important and private about me? As I’ve mentioned before, she also brags about being skinny occasionally and it just makes me mad.

I’m rarely happy when I’m in the room with her. I’m usually secretly seething in anger and trying to avoid even catching a glimpse of her. I’m not sure why, but just seeing her makes me mad. I guess because of our tense relationship. This anger just fuels my ED and makes me feel like I can’t control anything but my food. So I do, and I end up regretting it.

This is why I try to eat in my room alone. I feel awkward and annoyed being around her, so why complicate my already weird food problems by eating when she’s around? I feel like I do better when I’m alone and I can listen to music and just chill and focus on how good the food is. Or when I’m at home, surrounded by people who love me and who don’t judge me. They know I have an ED and they’re there to support me. Not my roommate. I want out of this relationship, now! I didn’t ask for this…

Back to My Real Life

Tomorrow it’s back to my real life…school. I had such a good month-long break from it, and I’m slightly dreading going back. Well, I don’t mind school, it’s my roommate who I can’t stand. We’ve never really gotten along—she’s a terrible communicator, messy (I’m pretty neat) and inconsiderate of my needs and feelings. At the beginning of the school year, we used to go to dinner together, but she teased me for my food choices (much healthier than hers, despite her being a vegetarian). Obviously, this isn’t a good situation for anyone, but especially for someone recovering from an eating disorder, like I am. Plus she talks about how skinny she is occasionally and it really makes me mad. Honestly, I wish I could tell her about my ED, but I don’t think she’s deserving enough to know. I don’t want to tell the world, only the people that really matter to me. Plus, my overall anger with her just stresses me out and makes my disordered thoughts even worse. I need to get out of this situation before it makes my ED flare up again.

This semester, I’m vowing to spend less time back in the room, so I can avoid her as much as possible. She’s not one of those popular-girl types who parties and such (I would actually prefer that) so she tends to stay in the room a lot. And she never goes home on the weekends even though she lives 30 miles away, so the weekends I stay here, I’m forced to be here with her. I want to make this semester better, so I’m going to try to hang out with my actual friends more and even just spend some alone time somewhere other than my room. I know it’s not fair, but I’m going to try to make the best of it. I want to make it through second semester without slipping. I’ve made so much progress; the last thing I need is to go back to my ED…it doesn’t control me anymore!