Toxic People

I try to surround myself with positive people. Who wants to be around someone who’s negative all the time? Unfortunately, though, we can’t always choose who we are around.

I really can’t stand my roommate. At the end of last semester, I was so fed up with her lack of communication that I talked with my RA about it. But the problem didn’t really get resolved. Now my roommate will talk to me when I talk to her, but I still don’t like her. She makes the room smell, her side is a big mess and she doesn’t leave the room very much. Sometimes, I just want the room all to myself, and I can’t. I have classes for pretty much all afternoon three times a week, and I’d like to come back to an empty room where I can just chill and relax. Doesn’t happen. If she’s not in class or having a meal, she’s in here. Grr. I never get a weekend here to myself because she never goes home, despite living only 30 miles away, compared to my 200 mile round trip.

Early on, I used to go to dinner with her because I didn’t know anyone else all that well. I don’t know why I ever did. She regularly commented on how little I was eating—little compared to her—and why I ate so healthy. She acted like she was superior for being a vegetarian, but that just meant she could eat unlimited French fries and cheese pizza. Well, she doesn’t know about my anorexia, nor does she need to know. I don’t like her at all, so why should I tell her something so important and private about me? As I’ve mentioned before, she also brags about being skinny occasionally and it just makes me mad.

I’m rarely happy when I’m in the room with her. I’m usually secretly seething in anger and trying to avoid even catching a glimpse of her. I’m not sure why, but just seeing her makes me mad. I guess because of our tense relationship. This anger just fuels my ED and makes me feel like I can’t control anything but my food. So I do, and I end up regretting it.

This is why I try to eat in my room alone. I feel awkward and annoyed being around her, so why complicate my already weird food problems by eating when she’s around? I feel like I do better when I’m alone and I can listen to music and just chill and focus on how good the food is. Or when I’m at home, surrounded by people who love me and who don’t judge me. They know I have an ED and they’re there to support me. Not my roommate. I want out of this relationship, now! I didn’t ask for this…