Monday, January 17, 2011

Back to My Real Life

Tomorrow it’s back to my real life…school. I had such a good month-long break from it, and I’m slightly dreading going back. Well, I don’t mind school, it’s my roommate who I can’t stand. We’ve never really gotten along—she’s a terrible communicator, messy (I’m pretty neat) and inconsiderate of my needs and feelings. At the beginning of the school year, we used to go to dinner together, but she teased me for my food choices (much healthier than hers, despite her being a vegetarian). Obviously, this isn’t a good situation for anyone, but especially for someone recovering from an eating disorder, like I am. Plus she talks about how skinny she is occasionally and it really makes me mad. Honestly, I wish I could tell her about my ED, but I don’t think she’s deserving enough to know. I don’t want to tell the world, only the people that really matter to me. Plus, my overall anger with her just stresses me out and makes my disordered thoughts even worse. I need to get out of this situation before it makes my ED flare up again.
This semester, I’m vowing to spend less time back in the room, so I can avoid her as much as possible. She’s not one of those popular-girl types who parties and such (I would actually prefer that) so she tends to stay in the room a lot. And she never goes home on the weekends even though she lives 30 miles away, so the weekends I stay here, I’m forced to be here with her. I want to make this semester better, so I’m going to try to hang out with my actual friends more and even just spend some alone time somewhere other than my room. I know it’s not fair, but I’m going to try to make the best of it. I want to make it through second semester without slipping. I’ve made so much progress; the last thing I need is to go back to my ED…it doesn’t control me anymore!

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