Most people with an ED see themselves very differently than the world sees them. They may look at themselves and see nothing but fat, when in reality they are just skin and bones.
I feel this way countless times looking in the mirror. Sometimes, I do like what I see but not often. I try to avoid looking at myself when I’m having a bad day, but my reflection is everywhere, from store windows to computer screens.
Even though I know that having anorexia makes me see myself as bigger than I really am, it didn’t really sink in til I started looking at myself in this one certain mirror. It’s one of those kinds of mirrors you’d hang up in a locker—a small, lime green polka-dotted magnetic mirror. When I turned it horizontal, I looked skinny. But if I turned it vertical, I would look fat. I started to really think that the vertical one was the real me. Then I looked at other objects in the mirror, and realized that when it was turned vertically, it distorted the image and made everything look wide. I realized at that moment that that was exactly how I saw myself everyday—bigger than I am. The horizontal image was the real me, not the vertical one. Mirrors do lie, but more importantly, our brains can lie to us too, especially if we have an eating disorder. It tricks us into thinking we are fat and worthless. But we’re not. We’re priceless and we DESERVE recovery. Our ED doesn’t define us and it doesn’t deserve to be in our lives.
|Big fat LIE!|
Note: I’m not meaning for these pictures of me to be triggering to anyone, it’s just my interpretation of how the mirror can lie to us!