Hey everyone! I hope you’ve had a great weekend J Mine was pretty good, surprisingly busy, but I got to catch up with a friend of mine I hadn’t seen since before winter break, so that was really nice.
I have to admit that I’ve been hearing the ED voice a lot recently. I think it’s because I’m under a lot of stress with new classes starting and getting used to being back on campus. But…it SUCKS! I hate being stressed out and having to deal with my anorexia crap. So I wanted to offer a little hope to all of you, and to myself.
It’s hard for anyone to really love themselves all the time. Sure, many people are self-centered, but they do have their bad days when they beat themselves up over a mistake. I feel like having an eating disorder of any kind can intensify this self-hatred to the extreme. There are so many days I wake up and just point out all my “flaws”—then I look back on it and it makes me really sad to think that I would say all that to myself, but I keep on doing it. I think ED enjoys abusing us L
But I’m trying (really trying) to see myself for who I really am—human, which means I have issues just like everyone else, but I don’t have to let my mistakes and quirks get me down. I can embrace them and let them make me a better person.
I’ve always been on the small side for my age. So I’m no stranger to the “short” jokes—the 50th one hurts no less than the first one, unfortunately. Luckily, it goes away for the most part in college, since most people have better stuff to talk about. I still find myself wishing I could be at least a few inches taller, but I’m trying to accept my 5’1 frame for what it is. That’s what heels are for, right? I like being petite and it makes me who I am.
I also have a young-looking face. Adults always tell me that I’ll love it when I’m older. Right now, it kinda sucks. I feel like no one takes me seriously because I look like I could still be a freshman in high school…or even a middle-schooler! But it gives me the opportunity to show off my mental and emotional maturity, and that’s what really counts.
I am a shy person by nature…well at least some people would tell you that. Anyone I’ve known for a while knows that I like to talk. I am so comfortable around my family. I can talk for hours with good friends. But put me in a room with people I barely know and I probably won’t say much. I’ll respond politely to any questions you ask, but I might not ask you many back. It’s not that I’m snotty or stand-offish; it’s just that I have a hard time thinking of conversation starters with people I don’t know.
I am also extremely emotional. I do wish I were a little stronger when it comes to criticism, but I’m not. I cry when I get into little fights with my sister. I take things too seriously and personally. However, I feel like this quality makes me a little more empathetic to others’ problems and situations.
There are too many days that I beat myself up for saying something stupid, tripping in public (I’m kind of a klutz) or just hate my body. I want there to be more days when I like what I see in the mirror and I can take all my issues and “flaws” in stride and help them make me who I really am. I hope you can take some time today to compliment yourself for something you do really well, or appreciate your quirks. You’ll feel so much better when you do.