"Hairspray" Inspiration

I love the 2007 movie, Hairspray. Not only are the songs catchy and make me want to dance, but I love the message it expresses: Love yourself for who you are, no matter what your body looks like, and don’t let the world tell you you can’t do anything you set your mind to.

I have the soundtrack on my iPod and while I was listening to it recently, I really got into the song, “I Know Where I’ve Been”. In the movie, it was performed by Queen Latifah, and it was a really powerful song. But before, I never really listened to the lyrics. I feel like I really heard them for the first time last night, and they actually apply to my struggle with anorexia. I’m sure it applies to others’ struggles as well. Here are the lyrics, and I highlighted the parts that I thought were most meaningful.

There's a light in the darkness
Though the night is black as my skin
There's a light burning bright showing me the way
But I know where I've been

There's a cry in distance
It's a voice that comes from deep within
There's a cry asking why
I pray the answer's up ahead, yeah
'cause I know where I've been

There's a road we've been travellin'
Lost so many on the way
But the riches will be plenty
With the price, the price we had to pay
There's a dream in the future
There's a struggle that we have yet to win
And there's pride in my heart
'cause I know where I'm going, yes I doAnd I know where I've been, yeah

There's a road we must travelThere's a promise that we must make
Oh but the riches will be plenty
Worth the risk and the chances that we take
There's a dream in the future
There's a struggle that we have yet to win
Use that pride in our hearts
To lift us up to tomorrow 'cause just to sit still would be a sin
Lord knows I know where I've been
Oh, when we win
I'll give thanks to my God
'cause I know where I've been

I actually started crying when the meaning of the words set in—it was like a light bulb had turned on and I realized that I CAN beat this awful disease. I know that not every day will be easy, but I’ve got to take a chance and dive deeper into recovery. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget those awful days when my ED was controlling my life—but honestly, I don’t think I want to. Those memories will serve as a painful reminder to me to never go down that path again. I’ve come too far to let my ED beat me to the ground and tell me I’m worthless. I’m not quite sure where I’m going yet, but I give thanks to God because I know exactly where I’ve been.