Long Time No Blog!

Hi everyone! I know I haven't blogged in what seems like forever--almost 2 and a half months! I hate to have left you guys hanging with such a downer of a post, so I decided to come back.


I just got 2 very sweet comments on my last post that really made me realize that I miss this blogging community. I actually haven't completely left blogging really--I'm just doing more of it over at almostveggirlie, since I discovered that Wordpress is a lot easier to use. And I also wanted to try to focus less on my eating disorder and more about the rest of my life. 


I am definitely doing a lot better since I posted last. Yes, I am still struggling with feeling okay with eating a good amount, but my body image is much stronger now. I don't hate what I see in the mirror every day, and that is amazing. I am somewhat alright with eating 'indulgences' like froyo and falafel. I don't want to starve my body and mind of what it needs. Sure, I sometimes don't eat enough but I am definitely working on fueling myself the right way. And I think if I do that, my body image will improve even more. There are hard days for sure, but I have to say most days are great.


I had a wonderful Thanksgiving break last week with my family, and I'm so ready to be done with this semester. It's definitely getting stressful with all the finals and projects, but I know that I'll enjoy Christmas break even more if I just push through all this hard stuff. And it's a month off from school, who wouldn't want that?!


So I hope you guys will all come back and read over here (if I decide to keep posting on this blog) or read my Wordpress blog if you want a lot of random posts about food, fashion and my life in general. Hope you all have been doing well and I'll definitely try to catch up on commenting on all your blogs.


Ash :)

I Hate...

So I haven't really posted in awhile, but hopefully the next paragraph will explain why. Basically, I haven't had the best past few weeks, ED-wise. Honestly, I've messed up a ton. Sadly, I can't really bring myself to care enough to stop, and as far as I know, I haven't lost any weight, which is why I feel I have to keep restricting. This is really, really hard for me to write, but I think honesty is really important in this process. I'd really appreciate comments, but I completely understand if you'd rather not comment.

**WARNING: This may be triggering and kind of depressing. Read at your own risk!


I hate feeling fat. I hate wanting needing to lose a few pounds. I hate feeling guilty for eating a few extra pieces of cereal after (an inadequate) breakfast. I hate not knowing what I weigh, and if I've lost any weight yet. I hate worrying every moment of the day about what I'm eating. I hate restricting to under 1000 calories, every single day (a couple of days it was around 600), and feeling like crap if I eat a little more than normal. I hate feeling compelled to exercise in my room, even though I walk for 45-60 minutes a day for classes, and sometimes I just don't feel like working out. I hate measuring my thighs and arms every day to see if they've gotten any smaller. I hate looking at older pictures of myself and beating myself up for not looking as tiny anymore. I hate how I constantly worry that people are looking at me and thinking I'm fat. I hate not caring anymore that I'm screwing my metabolism over. I hate that I think 90 pounds is too fat for me and anything over that is out of the question. I hate not seeing results after all my restriction. I hate how I feel proud that my butt starts hurting after only a little while of sitting down. I hate how people never tell me I look skinny anymore and how I have to rely on my own ED-ified brain to figure out if I look okay. I hate that I feel like I don't have a good enough reason to have relapsed. I hate that I'm determined to be 85 pounds again, despite how underweight that is. I hate that I'm so obsessed with being skinny, and I'll probably never be skinny enough. I hate that I feel like I have to eat and exercise this way in order to stay healthy. I hate that I think I'll never be truly recovered...

It's No Joking Matter

Hi girlies! Sorry I haven't been around lately. I honestly have had no writing inspiration at all...until today, that is.

Last night, I happened to catch part of an educational show called "Fighting Fat". It was all about obesity, as you can imagine, and they were talking about different ways to combat the issue.

The only part I really saw was an interview with one woman who'd gone through gastric bypass surgery and had lost a lot of weight. However, she still wasn't at a healthy weight and she admitted to that. I think she was a stand-up comedian, and they showed one of her shows. She joked that "luckily, I've overcome my anorexia". Everyone in the audience laughed at that, but it made my heart twinge a little. I realized at that moment that jokes about anorexia really don't make me feel good.

I never really thought about it before, probably because I've never really encountered stuff like that. But I honestly really hate when people joke about it (especially people who have never personally experienced it) or when they belittle it. Anorexia (and all eating disorders) are real diseases that affect a lot of people--not just those that have it. So in my book, making fun of it or saying "Why don't you just eat?" are not okay.

There are so many misconceptions about EDs that I could go on an on about, but all I want to say is that they ARE NOT a choice--they are a disease just like cancer and ADHD. Anorexics aren't just vain girls (and guys) that stop eating so they can look better. There are real psychological issues behind the disorder and it's time that people start realizing that.

What do you think about eating disorder jokes?

Feeling Hot Hot Hot...Or Not

Hey girlies, thanks for all the wise words on my last post. They were just what I needed to get back on track with my eating.

My first week of my sophomore year is almost over (!) and so far, I've been enjoying it. I like my classes for the most part (minus statistics, but I hate math anyways) and I'm really loving having my own room. It's been amazing to be able to come back after classes and just relax and not have to deal with a roommate, and be able to wake up and go to sleep whenever I want.

That's my schedule for this semester. You probably can't read it, plus some of the classes aren't shown in the picture, so I'll just give you all a quick rundown. On Monday, Wednesday and Friday I have Individual & Family Development at 10, then Public Relations at 1. Friday I also have a Statistics recitation at 3. On Tuesday and Thursday, I have Statistics at 9 (I hate having class this early, but it hasn't been too awful yet), American West Since 1900 at 11 (it's a history class) and then Newswriting at 1. I really love the newswriting class, since it's in my major and my professor is super funny. And the class is really small, like 15 people, so I feel like it's more personal. It's weird because I'm in two 300 level classes, which I guess are usually mostly juniors, so whenever I go to those classes, the professors are like "You guys are so mature. Well then again, you are juniors!" Haha, it makes me feel really mature, since I'm just a sophomore.

So I was feeling great all week...until yesterday. Around lunch, I started feeling sick, but in a weird way. I had a strange feeling in my throat and some nausea, but I brushed it off and went to class. By the time I got there, I was feeling worse. I could barely concentrate during class because I thought I was going to throw up (TMI, sorry). Plus I was suddenly freezing, even though it was 90+ degrees outside.

Well, I made it through class and then walked back to my room. As soon as I got back, I tried to sleep. I was alternating between being too cold and too hot and I still felt crappy. But I was able to nap for almost 2 hours, and I felt a little better afterwards. I looked up my symptoms on WebMD and I guessed that I had heat exhaustion. Definitely a possibility, since I had been walking to and from classes for 45 minutes in 90 degree heat.

After my nap, I was kinda hungry so I had a small snack. But afterwards, I felt horrible again. At this point, the ED voice kicked in and was telling me that obviously, eating was out of the question, since I felt sick again afterwards. But...I was able to push those voices aside and I was able to eat a small dinner and a nighttime snack. I knew I had to fuel my body, even though it didn't make me feel awesome.

Today, I've still been feeling a little "off" but definitely much better. And I've continued to fuel my body, because I know it needs it.

Have you ever dealt with heat exhaustion? If you're in college (or ever were), what is/was your favorite class?

Happy Herbivore

I mentioned in this post a while back that I was seriously considering vegetarianism. I honestly think it's completely sickening how most animals are treated and on top of that, I just can't really stomach meat anymore. It doesn't appeal to me whatsoever, not even seafood as much.

This summer, my mom's kinda been on my case about my eating, which has been a little annoying but understandable. Mostly, she was just upset that I haven't really been eating meat at all lately. It's been a while since I actually ate a substantial amount of chicken or fish--if it's been part of a meal, I just kind of picked around it. But...this isn't another form of restriction. It's because I really just don't want to eat meat anymore, for ethical and personal reasons.  It just grosses me out now.

My mom talked to me a few days ago about this, and I was surprised to hear her say that a vegan diet has been shown to be helpful in eating disorder recovery. She just wants to make sure that I get enough calcium (I'm going to start taking a supplement and I'll still be eating Greek yogurt--so not fully vegan) and fats. Eating enough fat has been really hard for me during my ED and now in recovery, but now I'm going to be more committed to eating enough healthy fats.

So basically, I'm going mostly vegan. I will still have some dairy occasionally, but most of it doesn't appeal to me, besides my beloved Greek yogurt and gelato. I'm going to focus on high-quality plant proteins, such as beans, quinoa and tempeh (all things I love, BTW) and also on fats, like nuts, almond butter and avocado. This is NOT another way for me to fall back on ED, though. Eating vegetarian or mostly vegan really does make me feel my healthiest and happiest and I think eating this way could help me on the road to recovery. I will NOT allow myself to fall back into the "low fat" and "low calorie" trap again. I want to sustain this lifestyle so I can be as healthy as possible. I won't use this new way of eating disguise my anorexia or orthorexia. I really believe that this will be a challenge to me--I may have to go out of my comfort zone and try something new and "scary". But it's a challenge I'm more than willing to try!

One of my fave new veg finds is the Whole Foods hot/cold bars--I love the curried tofu quinoa salad and the maple roasted sweet potatoes!

Just a note, I'm not trying to advocate that this is a perfect lifestyle for everyone. Every person has different needs and preferences and this is just what works for me best.

What changes have you made to your eating habits that have helped you in your recovery?

Being Honest With Myself

This is a really hard post for me to write. A lot of my recent posts have been all bubbly and happy, and part of me is like that right now. I've got most of August to look forward to before I go back to school, I had a great birthday on Wednesday and life is pretty good for me right now. But another part of me feels enslaved--to ED--and also robotic, like I'm just going through the motions of my life without really feeling anything.

I think it all started on my birthday. It started out really well, but as the day progressed, I started feeling a twinge of guilt. I woke up early, like 6, because my mom and I were going to the IKEA grand opening. So I didn't get a chance to do my normal morning workout. We ate out at Panera for lunch (I got the strawberry poppyseed salad and barely ate any of the chicken). I was exhausted by the time we got home because we'd been practically running around the store for 2 hours trying to find the things we wanted to buy. So I only ended up doing 10 minutes of a cardio circuit and 10 minutes of yoga. Then my dad got home and we all went out to eat at Pei Wei. I got my usual Vietnamese chicken salad rolls, and ate two out of 3 of them, but also some edamame and some of my dad's brown rice and peanuts. And then later at home, we had some birthday gelato and I got a little bit extra. I felt horribly horribly fat and guilty. But come on, it was my birthday. I have the right to indulge, and they weren't even big indulgences. But I still felt bad.

Since then, I've been feeling like I'm eating more, even though I'm not really. I mentally beat myself up if I eat a few extra pieces of cereal or some raisins. I even restricted yesterday on purpose by only having some fruit at snack. I know I should be fueling myself more, especially since I played an hour of tennis yesterday, but I just can't. It feels...good to give in to ED. I feel like I'm strong and in control when really, I'm slipping, slowly but surely. I don't think I'm losing weight (I haven't weighed myself in a month I think) but that might be an ED trick. I noticed this week that I had a slightly lighter period than usual, but I didn't really think much about it. I'm on birth control, so I don't know if minor weight loss or undernourishment can cause changes in menstruation.

I think I'm giving in to ED because my recovery seems to be going no where. I still exercise on a daily basis, always at least 40 minutes. My calf has been hurting a lot lately, but I ignore the pain. The thing is, exercising isn't even that fun anymore. I feel like a robot programmed to do it every day, but I'm getting burned out.

I've been doing okay body-image wise. Not the best, but not too bad either. I've been feeling for a long time that if I could just lose 5 or so pounds, I would be a lot happier about how I look. I mean, I weighed that much for at least two years prior to ED. Why isn't it an okay weight now? I know that my BMI would be at 16 if I lost only a few pounds (BMI is stupid, but still), but I just feel so uncomfortable where I am right now. I can't imagine how I'd feel if I was at a healthy weight, even at the very low end of the scale.

So honestly, I don't even know where my recovery is going right now. I'm still eating fairly normally, but I sometimes worry that my metabolism is slow because I don't eat 1800 calories or whatever it is that's supposed to be a healthy number for maintenance. I don't think I could ever eat that much food. Don't get me wrong, I'm nowhere near a dangerous level but I'm wondering if all this exercise plus not quite enough fuel is slowing down my metabolism. I really just don't know. Here's the thing: I definitely don't want to give up all the progress I've made over 2 years, but I'm scared to let go of ED. So it's a balancing act, and I don't know which side will win out...

Have you ever had to be honest with yourself about something that's hard to face?

I Suck At Moderation

Hi guys, sorry I've been MIA over here lately. I could say it's because I'm really busy or because I'm having lots of fun (both true) but the real reason is because I've been having such a hard time coming up with a topic to post on. But today I finally have one, and it's about moderation.


On the Today Show this morning, there was this little bit about how everything in moderation is really good for you. I wasn't really watching it, but my mom started talking to me and my sister (I have a feeling she was talking more to me...) about this thing she saw about this woman whose doctor told her that she could eat everything she wanted to, only in small portions, to lose weight. Apparently, it worked for her. Then I started thinking about how moderation and I do not get along. At all. I mean, having an eating disorder, by definition, is the opposite of moderation. For me, it means restriction, avoiding foods I deem unhealthy and feeling like I have to exercise every single day.


I feel like moderation is something that works for some people, but not for me! That is probably another stupid lie ED is feeding me, but that's how I feel. I think that if I eat some ice cream, or real French fries--even in a normal, or small amount--that I will become HUGE and I'll love the food so much that I'll have it on a regular basis, and that would be bad. Logically, that's probably not true, but I've become so attached to eating as healthily as possible that it's really hard to let it go. Honestly, I don't think anything's wrong with the way I eat now but some people might view it as restrictive. I eat organic whenever possible and I look for foods that give me a lot of bang for my nutritional buck--things like rolled oats, fruits & veggies, unsweetened soy milk, sprouted grain tortillas, Pure bars, beans and almond butter. None of those things are bad at all, but the problem is that I cut out other things to make room for those things. For instance, now I refuse to drink cow's milk (even skim) or eat corn tortillas, just because at one point I deemed those "less than healthy". There's nothing wrong with eating healthy, as long as it doesn't go too far. It did for me, and now I still struggle with orthorexia. However, I have to admit that eating healthy actually does make me feel a lot better, but I wish I could do it in a way that's balanced, not restrictive.






Fruit is great, but you shouldn't eliminate other things to eat it

 I've talked about my recent addiction to exercise. Everyone knows that being active is a good thing, but what about if you can't go a day without it? What if you feel guilty for only working out for 45 minutes when you could have gone at least an hour? What if you feel like you have to exercise in order to eat a normal amount? That's when I think exercise has become an unhealthy obsession. I'd like moderation in this area of my life too.






I'd like to workout when I want to

 Basically, right now I really suck at moderation. I'm so much better with not restricting the amount I eat (though I still deal with that, too) but I'm having such a hard time letting go of my rigid food rules and exercise schedule.


Do you "suck" at moderation, too?

Vacation Recap!

Thank you all again SO much for your responses to this post. I never would have guessed six months ago when I first started this blog that anyone would ever read it, let alone comment. You are all amazing, never forget that :)

Today, instead of my usual Fave Five Friday, I'll be sharing a photo recap of my vacation to Estes Park, Colorado! My family and I have been going there every summer for as long as I can remember and it's one of our favorite in-state destinations. Estes Park is a cute little touristy town, but it isn't lame and boring. It's only a few miles from Rocky Mountain National Park (home to the famous Longs Peak) and the town itself has tons of shops, restaurants and outdoor activities.

This was our first time going to EP for the 4th of July and man, was it crowded! It's usually pretty busy on the weekends but this year it was crazy. It was almost impossible to find parking, so we got a lot of walking in ;) But it was cool being there for the 4th, because we actually got to see fireworks. If we'd stayed at home, there wouldn't have been any fireworks nearby because of a fire ban. So it was totally worth all the crowds and stupid out-of-state drivers!




Hummus pizza (vegan)



The pool!

 

Model status (just kidding!)

 

 

Santa likes to drink apparently...



Strawberry froyo in a handmade marshmallow-flavored waffle cone



Lake Estes



My dad--King of the Rock!

Sunshine veggie burger with jalapenos



Chilling by the pool



Fourth of July fireworks

 


Awkward wolf sculpture in a store front



A restaurant that serves cereal?! My kinda place :)



Rainy mountains



Pool time with my sistah



Hugh Jass salad: lettuce, Craisins, strawbs, sliced almonds, raspberry vinaigrette

 


Peace out, USA!



Lawn Lake alluvial fan



Legit license plate purse

What is your favorite thing about vacations?




All I Can Say Is Eh Eh

I've really been feeling Lady Gaga's "Nothing Else I Can Say" recently, hence my title. My life hasn't been bad, or really amazing lately. Just...eh. Not that that's bad, I just wish I was more positive.

After my recent vlog honesty about my struggles, my body image has actually been on the upswing, which is always a good thing. My bad thoughts about my body come and go in waves, so while it's great that I'm feeling better, I know it won't last. I'm determined to try to fight back this time, though, when the crappy feelings set in again. In fact, they already started to today. For the past few days, I think I actually saw the real 'me' in the mirror. It was refreshing, and I honestly thought to myself "Wow, my legs actually are tiny!" I never thought those words would come out of my mouth. However, all that changed yesterday after I weighed myself. It wasn't some huge, scary number by any means but still frustrating. (*P.S. I don't mean for the numbers to be triggering at all! I have used them before in posts, but if they do offend you, then please skip this part!) I know this will sound sooooo stupid, but I want to weigh 90 lbs so bad. Right now (and for the past few months), I've been hovering 1 or 2 lbs above that and it makes me mad. Mad that no matter what I do, I can't lose those stubborn couple of pounds. I think the real reason I want to weigh 90 lbs is because my original recovery goal weight was 90 lbs and I feel 'fat' if I go above that. Stupid, I know, especially since I'm only a pound over and still technically underweight. I just don't look that underweight in my eyes.



I've also been struggling with an exercise compulsion. I hesitate to call it 'overexercise' because ED still tells me I'm not doing enough, but since summer vacation started a month and a half ago, I haven't gone a day without exercising at least 40 minutes. There were a couple days where I did only 30 or 35 minutes, but there were way more that I did over an hour. In ED's opinion, it's nothing since it's only been 20 minutes cardio, 20 minutes yoga and walking around stores or something most days. But I think that refusing to go even one day without 40 minutes of working out is an exercise addiction. I've even been logging my exercise! And on top of that, I've been hiding the evidence of working out. I mostly do stuff in my room, or I go for a walk by myself or something. And I also think I pulled a muscle in my left calf when I was playing tennis this weekend because I didn't stretch and I overexerted it.

I just feel like I'm going from one behavior to another, from restriction to exercising. I haven't restricted majorly in awhile, since I'm at home and my parents are watching what I'm eating, so now I feel like I have to turn to exercise to control my emotions and my weight. I did the same thing last summer, but I didn't have to work out every day and it was usually for much less time. Exercise never used to be a part of my anorexia, but now I feel like it's taking over my life. I'm not devoting all my time to it, but my thoughts are centered around when I'm going to workout next and how intense it should be. I enjoy exercise, don't get me wrong, but I feel like I'm too obsessed with it and now it's not fun. I feel like I can't think about anything other than planning my meals and exercising. I'm happy for the most part, I just wish I could stop obsessing over these two things and just enjoy my summer guilt-free.


Sorry about this lame downer of a post. I just feel like I haven't really updated in awhile and I didn't want to make my life seem like it was all sunshine and rainbows (like in my Fave Five Friday posts). Not every day is good, but that doesn't mean I'm giving in.

Don't worry, I'm still smiling :)

Any more advice on the body image thing? Have you struggled with abusing exercise and how do you overcome it?

The Comparison Trap

Recovery from an eating disorder is rough, but there's no doubt that it's also a learning experience. As we progress, we learn new things about ourselves that ED covered up and we also discover our strengths and weaknesses. Through my personal journey, I'm realizing that I do have things to offer the world and that I'm not afraid to share my emotions when the time is right. However, I recognize that I still struggle with comparing myself to others, whether it's with food, appearance or just success in life.

Growing up with a younger sister, my life always seemed to be a competition. When I was younger, I had to 'compete' for attention from my parents. I had to learn to be a big sister, and remember that I was not an only child anymore. Later on, when we both started developing interests, we competed against each other to see who could be the 'best'. It didn't help that for awhile we were both involved in a lot of the same things, like dance and acting, so it seemed like one of us would always come out ahead. It was the same with school. I'm four grades ahead of my sister, but I always felt inadequate and stupid when my sister would come home with straight A's and I'd have a mix of A's and B's. Sometimes I still feel competitive but I try to remind myself that we're each great in our own ways and there's no point in trying to be 'better' than the other one.



Me and my sister at a competitive age (I'm on the right)

 With my eating disorder, I still struggle with comparing myself to other people. I'll see a girl at the store about my height and instantly think I'm fatter than her. Even though comparing yourself to others is never a good thing, it's better if you're at least comparing yourself to someone similar. Most of the time I compare myself to these random girls, I'm 99% positive that they're a few years younger than me. ED says "Yeah, they might be younger than you but they're the same height as you and they're skinnier." But really, why am I wasting my time comparing my body to someone's who may not have even gone through puberty yet? I'm an adult woman in college, I don't need to look like a little girl. I'm naturally petite but that doesn't mean I have to look like I'm still in middle school.



I like to take dorky pics of myself and that's okay ;)

 I also compare what I eat to what others eat. Sometimes, I check out healthy living blogs and while a lot of them are very positive and show a healthy mix of eating and exercise (like Carrie's and Megan's), some of them aren't. I see what they eat and think I can do the same. I feel guilty for not eating as 'cleanly' as some of them do. I eat pretty healthily-- mini Clif bars and organic froyo are my 'junk food' (just to clarify, I'm not saying that I think it's bad if people choose to eat more processed foods, it's just my personal preference not to)--but I feel bad when I see some of these people doing sugar free challenges because even though I don't eat white sugar, I still have a big sweet tooth. One thing I have learned: everyone's different, what works for one person won't necessarily work for you. It's okay to get recipe inspiration or whatever, but don't try to copy everything someone else eats. Just do what feels right for you, whether it's veganism, meat-eating, intuitive eating, meal planning or whatever. Stop the comparison game, and you'll feel so much better!



I've found what works for me: seafood/fish every so often, veggies and LOTS of fruit...



...with some yummy gelato once in awhile :)

 Q's: Have you ever compared what you eat to what others eat? What about body comparison?

Alphabet Soup

Thank you all so so so much for your encouraging words on my last post! I know that I am still struggling with these thoughts, but it’s relieving to know that many others have dealt with the exact same thing and I just need to keep pushing through. You are all amazing inspirations to me! J

Today, I thought I’d do a fun, lighthearted post and I’ve seen this survey around the blog world for a while, so I thought “Why not?” I changed a few of the letters but that’s just how I roll!

A is for apple, what’s your favorite variety? Def would have to be Pink Lady…pretty much the only kind I eat!

B is for breakfast, what do you usually have?

I try to mix up some of it, but I always have a Morningstar hot & spicy veggie sausage (for yummy crunchy protein) along with some sort of carbs, like a waffle or slice of toast topped with almond butter, and then either Greek yogurt, some cereal, overnight oats or a Vitatop muffin.



A typical (?) breakfast: Oikos superfruits Greek yogurt topped with bloobs and strawberry granola clusters, 1/2 homemade berry waffle, veggie sausage link



C is for cereal, what is your favorite kind currently? I love all the kid varieties of Cascadian Farms, but I’m gonna go with Fruitful O’s. Like a yummier, healthier version of Fruit Loops!

D is for donuts, you might not currently be eating them but what kind do you like? Actually, I’ve never ever liked donuts…too much of a sugar rush for me!

E is for eggs, how do you like yours prepared?

Ewww, I completely hate eggs! I have never liked them, unless they’re baked into something and you can’t taste them.

F is for fat free, what is your favorite fat free product?

Definitely Greek yogurt and froyo! And of course most fruits and veggies.

G is for groceries, where do you buy yours?

Either Whole Foods (love that place) or Super Target.

H is for hot beverages, what is your favorite?

I definitely prefer cold drinks to hot but I will drink nonfat lattes from Starbucks hot.

I is for ice cream, pick a flavor and a topping?

Gelato is 1000 times better than ice cream! My favorite flavor is soy chocolate and I love any kind of fruit on top (or just plain).

J is for jams or jellies, do you eat them, and if so, what flavor?

I love the Smucker’s organic line of jams, especially the apricot kind.

K is for Kashi, name your favorite product?

OMG, I love Kashi, so this is a hard one. Either the Kashi TLC crackers, the Cherry Vanilla cereal bar or the Dark Mocha Almond granola bar. I love coffee and chocolate together!



Kashi crackers, apricot, date stuffed with crunchy AB



L is for lunch, what was yours today?

I had a late one today but it was yummy! A green salad topped with leftover grilled chicken, snap peas and edamame guacamole/plain Oikos mix on top, a nectarine and a mini Chocolate Brownie Clif bar.

M is for milk, what kind do you prefer?

I used to only drink skim milk, but when my parents switched over to 1% for a while (can’t stand that stuff) I decided to try soy. Now I like unsweetened chocolate soymilk or unsweetened vanilla almond milk.

N is for nutrient, do you prefer carbs, protein or fat?

I’m def a carb monster—I love fruit and cereal! Next I’d have to go with protein, especially Greek yogurt. I’m still a little scared of fats, but I love almond butter and edamame for that.

O is for onions, do you eat them?

Only uncooked, the cooked kind gives me a horrible aftertaste that lasts for a few days. I mostly like green onions and red onions in pico de gallo.

P is for protein, what’s your favorite source?

Seafood (white fish, shrimp, scallops, crab legs) or Greek yogurt. My fave brand is Oikos and I love pretty much all their flavors.



Grilled mahi mahi topped with strawberry pico and strawberry melon gazpacho on the side



Q is for quiche, what 4 ingredients would you like in yours?

I’m pretty sure I’ve never had a quiche, and since I don’t eat cheese, I wouldn’t try one now.

R is for restaurant, what’s your favorite?

I love OPB&J, an organic peanut butter and jelly place in my city. It has the yummiest PBs, jellies, breads and toppings!



Prickly Pear PB&J



S is for spices, name four that you’ve used recently?

I used cinnamon and ginger on my sweet potato last week, my mom made a pasta dish with a chili lime seasoning a few nights ago and I used black pepper in some edamame guac I made the other day.

T is for trick or treating, what’s in your bag?

I haven’t gone in quite a while, but when I used to love candy my favorites were gummy Lifesavers, Sweet Tarts, crispy M&M’s, sour gummy worms and Hershey’s Dark Chocolate.

U is for universal, what’s your favorite type of cuisine?

For sure Mediterranean/Middle Eastern. I love vegan gyros, pitas and hummus!



Vegan gyro with roasted artichoke, veggies, olives and hummus!



V is for vitamins, do you take them, and if so, what kinds?

I love the sour Flintstones gummy vitamins! They are so yummy and make me feel like a little kid again!

W is for water, where do you get yours from?

Usually from my fridge’s dispenser. I always have to have it with ice, though.

X is for eXtra special, what food holds a special place in your heart?

This one is pretty tricky, but I’m gonna have to go with gelato. I only get it rarely, once a month at the most, but it is so delicious and creamy without being heavy and full of fat.



Soy chocolate and birthday cake gelato...mmmmm!



Y is for yogurt, if you could only buy one cup, which would it be?

Oikos has my heart, and I love all their flavors, but if I had to choose only one, it would be their new superfruits flavor. It has acai, raspberry and blueberry (so it’s like 3 flavors in one…is that cheating?!)

Z is for zero guilt, which food never makes you feel guilty for eating it?

Though someday, I’d like to NEVER feel guilty about eating, I’m not there yet. However, eating fruit never gives me guilt. It’s the perfect treat, it tastes sweet but is super healthy.

Q: Choose one letter and tell me what you would say about it (for example, A= what’s your favorite kind of apple)!


P.S. I changed the design of my blog (again!) Hope you like it :)

Memorial Day is for Shopping!

Hi everybody! Have you all been having a fantastic weekend so far? Hope you’re enjoying your day off (if you have one)!

My weekend has been busy, just the way I like it. Sometimes I just like to stay home and chill, but I get bored after about a day of that. I like getting out of the house and doing something, it doesn’t necessarily have to cost money. However, my day yesterday definitely required a little spending, which I didn’t mind at all!

In the two weeks I’ve been home so far, I’ve been doing a lot of chores around the house. I’m not a huge fan of some of these chores (hello, cleaning the bathroom!) but if I can earn some money and make my mom happy, then I’m more than willing to do it. I’ve also been making “wish lists” of clothes I wanted to buy and when I finally made enough money to justify a shopping trip, I went! My mom and sister tagged along (even though my sister had no money) and so began our afternoon of shopping!

I ended up buying 5 things yesterday and (almost) ran out of money. At Hollister, I bought a red floral romper for $20, a pair of coral flip-flops for $10 and a pair of khaki shorts for $18. Oh, and I also had a coupon to take 30% off my entire purchase, so everything ended up costing only $35! What a steal!



Romper



Flip-flops



Khaki shorts



Next we hit up American Eagle. This weekend only, everything in the store was 30% off! Of course I had to check it out. I left with a lime green striped oversize tee that I got for $18.



Lime green tee and denim shorts



Finally, we went to Abercrombie Kids. I know that it’s technically a kids store, but their sizes go up to a kids size 16, so I can usually find something that fits me for a lower price than a similar style at Abercrombie & Fitch. I scored a pair of cuffed denim shorts for a little over $20!

We also stopped for some gelato on our way home. Gelazzi is the best place for gelato EVER, so if you’re ever in the Denver or Fort Collins area, make sure you check them out. I got half birthday cake, half soy chocolate and was not disappointed!

Back at home, I tried my stuff on. I was slightly anxious when I realized that the shorts and the romper fit a little tighter than I expected them to. Not skintight by any means, but I’m used to my clothes fitting kinda loosely. The tee was of course pretty roomy, but I was expecting the rest of my stuff to fit differently. I have shorts that I bought just a couple of months ago from the same stores, and they’re in the same sizes and fit a little looser. I asked my mom what she thought and she thought they fit me fine. The romper was what I was most anxious about, since I’ve heard rompers are supposed to fit loosely. Mine only has a few inches of space in the body and a little more room in the legs, but I still feel a little self-conscious in it.

Here’s my dilemma: I love to shop, but the way clothes fit me and the size I wear both make me really nervous. If I have to go up a size (just because the cut is different) I will usually end up not buying it. I usually look for clothes that aren’t body skimming, but more flowy and loose. I wish I could feel more confident in clothes that fit my body well, but I feel like they show off my body too much. Right now, I’m really struggling to like what I see in the mirror. Every time I take a picture of myself, I think my thighs and arms look huge and my stomach is so round. I honestly don’t know if that’s what I actually look like or what ED is telling me I look like. I just wish for one day that I could see myself the way I truly am. I’m so sick of this body dysmorphia.

Q’s: Do you like to shop? How do you combat your ‘bad body’ days?

OMGM!

Thank you so so so much for your sweet responses to my last post! I really appreciate them J

I’ve got a LOT of recent eats to share today so be ready for tons of pictures and some unsponsored reviews of products I’ve tried!

First, I’ve had my first ever GREEN MONSTER! In case you’re not sure what that is, it’s a smoothie that has some sort of greens mixed in, like spinach or kale. I’ve had two three so far this week and I’m hooked (that’s where the title of the post comes in btw, it means Oh My Green Monster). Even though I like veggies, I find that sometimes it’s hard to get enough in one day without chomping on salads or carrot sticks all day long. I’m also more of a fan of fresh veggies (I can’t stand most cooked ones, except sweet potatoes of course) so that makes it hard too. Until I discovered that mixing in fresh baby spinach with a fruit smoothie doesn’t make it taste any different but adds in a serving of veggies! My first two weren't green but tonight I hit the jackpot: 1/2 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk, 1 chopped up fresh peach and a handful of baby spinach. It was a perfect spring green and delicious!

Mmmmm...green!

Lately, I’ve been noticing millet bread popping up on some food blogs. Some people said it tastes like pound cake so I knew I HAD to try it. I haven’t had pound cake in years (fear food) but I like the taste. I picked up a loaf at Whole Foods last weekend and I was surprised that it was in the freezer section, but I guess it’ll last longer. I had a slice the other day for breakfast topped with crunchy AB and dried raspberries (YUM!) with a spicy veggie sausage patty on the side and a bowl of dark chocolate raspberry overnight oats. I loved the oats, but I wasn’t gaga about the millet bread. The slice was small but dense, but I couldn’t detect any sweetness in the bread, it definitely seemed more savory to me. Not a bad thing, but I was expecting a sweet bread perfect for breakfast. I’ll just have to eat the rest alongside a salad or soup at lunchtime.

I wish it tasted like pound cake...

Call me crazy, but I’d never had a fresh peach or apricot prior to a week ago! My dad picked some up from the store, and I fell in love. Sorry berries, I still love you guys too, but apricots are the bomb dot com!

I made dinner for my family on Monday night. I haven’t done that in a while and I missed doing that. My favorite way to cook during the summer is using the grill, so I picked out a few yummy recipes and I got to grilling. I made grilled mahi mahi (my favorite type of fish) topped with a strawberry pico de gallo with strawberry melon gazpacho on the side (check out my recipe page for the recipes). And I made strawberry lemonade popsicles for dessert. It was my first time making popsicles from scratch and it was super easy and they turned out great. I made sure to get some organic lemonade concentrate from Whole Foods because I don’t do the whole HFCS thing.


Gazpacho before blending



I loved this dinner, so summery!

Other than that, my week has been pretty chill, I’ve just been waiting impatiently patiently for the sun to finally come out and filling out job apps. I hope to be able to spend a lot of time outside this weekend and have a relaxing Memorial Day weekend with my family and a possible shopping trip! Enjoy the rest of your week, everyone!

Sorry about the background!

Q’s: Have you ever made a Green Monster? Best new food you’ve tried recently?