Monday, June 13, 2011

A Wakeup Call

Hi everyone! Sorry I haven't posted in awhile, I've gotten busy and it sorta slipped my mind. Don't worry, I'm still here and I've still been reading and commenting on all your lovely blogs.

Today I've got my second vlog for you all. This one is definitely more serious than my first one but I hope it speaks to you in some way. I was inspired to be honest by Jess's recent vlog. I thought the best way to tell you how I'm feeling is through a vlog, so here goes! If you are unable to watch it, it's basically about my struggles with body dysmorphia. If you have any advice, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks!


  1. *hugs* so sorry about your struggles :(. Trust me, you're not the only one out there dealing with this. A girl I met on my vacation told me I had basically the skinniest legs she'd ever seen... and I still see my legs as being chunky and fat. I was bigger in high school and lost weight (some of which I really did need to lose), so I guess I always see how I looked back then when I look in the mirror, instead of seeing what I *really* look like.

    It is amazing, though, what we can see in pictures. Somehow for me, that's different than looking in the mirror, seeing myself compared to other people (hopefully not falling into a comparison trap here), but also just seeing myself in another setting besides the bathroom mirror. I noticed the other day how much my bones were showing in a pic, and it wasn't pretty. I'd never noticed before. So maybe looking at pictures through the years would help?

    Sorry about everything with your mom :(.


  2. Aw, I'm sorry you're struggling with this. The exchange you described with your mom sounds EXACTLY like conversations I've had with my mom. She'll tell me I look skinny and usually I'm fine weight-wise, but it really confuses me because I can't see it.

    Honestly, the dysmorphia is one of the hardest things to overcome and I'm still learning how to deal with it. When you see "fat" remember that you're looking through ED's eyes. When YOU look at yourself you can see your true beauty!


  3. hey girl!! i know what ur feeling! i used to have REALLY bad BD.... to be honest im not even entirely sure how i got rid of it... i really just started to feed my body well and exercise to tone up and i just FELT better overall.. and I thnk since I knew I was treating my body well I could see my body well.. if that makes sense? its SO flippin hard... but for me i just tried to see the positive and MAKE positive!

  4. This is the first time I've seen this new layout of your blog. I like it. It really fits your personality.

    I'm sorry you're struggling with the dysmorphia. As I started to gain weight, I struggled really badly with it too. I don't exactly remember when, but I know at some point, I just got over it. I had to stand in a skin-tight leotard in front of a mirror for at least 3 hours each day. After a while, I just started to see myself clearly. It really got better when I stopped restricting and just ate intuitively. That freedom to eat what I wanted when I wanted it really helped me see the reality.

  5. I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this, Ash. <3 Body dysmorphia has been one of the hardest parts of recovery for me, so I completely get where you're coming from! A lot of people I've met who have recovered from eating disorders tell me that the body dysmorphia/body image issues in general are the last to go when you're recovering from an ED, because body image issues are often what come first before the ED behaviors. What I try to do to get through it is do "reality checks" with myself. We are so much more than a jean size or a number on the scale and it doesn't determine self-worth, but it can help us "prove" to ourselves that we are in no way "big". I also feel like the more we try to control our weight, the more obsessed we get with the way our bodies look, and the more we criticize them and don't see them clearly (especially when restricting, since it's hard to think clearly when one's brain is malnourished). I also use a body image workbook to try to work through my body dysmorphia: it is simply called The Body Image Workbook. Look it up on Amazon if you're interested- you may find it helpful in learning to reframe the bad body image thoughts.
    Thinking of you! <3 You can always reach out to me on facebook or e-mail me if you need support.

  6. Oh Ash, I am so sorry that you are dealing with this.
    I hate when I have body issues. :(
    I'm going through the same thing where it's like I'll be okay with myself one day and hate my body the next. It sucks, major.
    And you're right. It definitely spurs ED. It makes it so tempting to restrict.
    But seriously.. SERIOUSLY, you are SO VERY thin. ED has your brain all twisted and warped to think that you are so much bigger than you are.

    When I'm going through a hard time with my body image, I try to think about how others see me. I try to look at myself how Connor does. And sometimes I look at pictures. For me, those show how thin I am so much more than the mirror does.
    The best thing to do, though, is tell ED to shut up and what the hell, it doesn't even matter if you DO look like you gained a couple pounds. What is your weight anyway besides a number? And who are you trying to please by being paper thin? God did not design us that way, so we should not force our bodies to become skeletons. It's physically & mentally unhealthy. Plus disgusting.

    I'm glad I read your blog today cuz it knocked some sense into ME, as well. It reminded me that it's just ED's lies telling me that I'm fat. Thanks for your honesty, beautiful.

    Okay, so I'm done rambling. :)
    Let me know if you ever want to talk, dear. You can email/fb me anytime, just like Jess said.


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