Monday, May 9, 2011

Almost There

Hi guys! Did you all have a nice Mother’s Day? Well, the real question should be did your mom have a nice Mother’s Day haha!
I’m pretty sure mine did. I realized a few weeks back (yes, I’m a little slow) that Mother’s Day was the weekend before I was coming home for the summer, and I wasn’t planning on going home this past weekend. But then I thought of an amazing idea: my family could all come up to spend the day with me! Well that’s exactly what happened, and I loved it! My parents and sister drove the 2 1/2 hours up to be with me. We had a picnic lunch by the huge (well, huge for CO) lake near my campus, walked around the city park (also huge, with another lake) for a while, grabbed some froyo, sat out on a patio downtown while my parents drank, got dinner at a nice restaurant then headed back to my dorm to load up most of my stuff. That took so many trips, but a lot less than if I had to load everything. I pretty much made my dad carry all the heavy stuff, haha, that’s what he was there for (just kidding). It was a really nice day, I loved being able to spend Mother’s Day with my mom having fun outside. The weather was perfect, too, sunny all day and really really warm! It was at least in the 80s, it probably broke a high temperature record it was so hot for May.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t struggle with restriction. I’ve noticed that I tend to freak out a lot if I have to eat out multiple times in one day. Then I restrict a little, which I never do normally anymore. We got Subway for lunch, and I’m not a huge fan of Subway, but I got a sandwich anyway, the veggie delite. It was the only one I really felt ‘safe’ about eating. I piled it with a bunch of veggies, got it on the wheat bread and only got regular mustard as the sauce. You’d think after choosing something so ‘safe’ (aka low-cal) I would have eaten the whole thing. Well…I didn’t. I would have, except I actually wasn’t really hungry and my sister only ate half of her sandwich (the Italian kind) and I didn’t want to look like a pig. So I only ate half. Then when we got froyo, which I normally really love, I apparently got a small amount because my mom told me that I could get more. If she hadn’t pointed that out, I probably wouldn’t have gotten more. Well, it was still yummy (it was the strawberry lemonade flavor, topped with berries). The place we went to for dinner had their menu online and I had checked it out beforehand to see what I should get. There was no nutritional info, so I just looked to see what sounded good and ‘safe’. At the restaurant, I ended up getting a salad topped with blackened grilled tuna, salsa and mandarin oranges. It has a dressing on the side, but it was creamy so I completely avoided it for that reason. I tried only a tiny bit, and it was really good and spicy, but I was just freaked out. I did eat most of my salad (including most of the tuna), but I knew it probably wasn’t enough. I did have a snack after my parents left, but it didn’t make up for all my restriction.
I hate to always end my posts with how I’m struggling, so I’ll end this one on a happy note: I have finished 2 out of 5 finals and I finally finished my paper for my composition class. I’ve just got to get through three more days, three more finals and then I’m free! Well, except for getting the rest of my stuff out of my room… J
Dinner tonight--sweet tater topped with strawberry Greek yogurt (with more on the side), grapes and unpictured iced coffee with almond milk


  1. I'm glad you got to visit with your family!
    Sorry that Ed got in the way at times, though :/
    Keep pushing through girly!
    And I can't believe that sweet potato was your dinner! Ha. I'm not trying to criticize at all. It's just crazy cuz I have that plus like 8 other things at night. Anyway, I'm praying for you!
    And I'm glad we can use those Bible verses to help us through this difficult time. Trust God!

  2. I do struggle with the same thing. On Sunday, I did eat 3x a day and it was difficult. What struck me as interesting was that I had a harder time dealing with the emotional aspect that came with eating "normally" than the eating part itself.

    It was why I decided okay, it was a sign of me needing a dietitian because my eating was so messed up and I had lost completely sight of what was normal and what was not normal.

    This is why I love reading and sharing our experiences about our ED in this blog community because it helps me to realize that I am NOT the only one struggling with this and I'm not an odd person out. At the same time, it's sad to see that there are so many people struggling with the same thing.

    Sorry for a long answer today! LUcky you for having a beautiful weather!! Hugs.

  3. I'm sorry that you've been struggling with restriction lately, Ash, but I know you can fight ED. Once I start restricting, it's hard to stop the pattern. And eating out all those times must've been tough. But it's important to challenge yourself, because I know you can do it!
    Also, about comparing what you eat to you sister: she only ate half her sub so you did the same: I struggle with the same thing!
    It's very hard to remind ourselves that our food and diet are individual but in time, it will get easier.
    Keep fighting girlie<3

  4. You're not alone, Ash. <3 I especially identify with you comparing how much you ate to your sister- I struggle with that a lot! I try to remind myself that I'm the only person who is hyper-aware of food and what I and other people around me are eating- no one else really notices or criticizes other peoples' food choices.

    It's super hard to resist the urge to restrict, but I know you can do it!!! You've made so much progress and you'll keep moving forward. YOU CAN DO THIS!

    Congratulations on finishing 2 finals and paper!!! Summer is sooo close! :-)

  5. Ash, don't worry about this one bit. That same exact thing happened to me the first time I felt ready to eat out. I restricted beforehand, and when I got the restaurant, I tried to choose what I though would be the "safest" option. And this was when I went out to eat ONCE that day. I don't even think I could've handled eating more than one restaurant meal.

    But the fact is that you did it. Regardless of what you ate, you ate food from restaurants more than once that day. You are strong, and I know you can and will keep fighting. I'm so proud of you, girl!

    Good luck or your last finals! Your sweet potato looks delish by the way!!!

  6. I agree with Bryana, there is a lot of good progress here despite the not-so-good stuff.


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