Happy Sunday, girlies! I hope you’ve had an amazing weekend, and if you have final exams coming up that you’re not too stressed. I’m just starting to feel the stress and I know it will get worse by next weekend :/
If you couldn’t already tell by the title of my post, I’m so ready to be done with school! This year has gone by really fast, which is sort of scary but also exciting. I can’t wait to be a sophomore in college and start taking classes beyond the boring basic requirements. I’m also really glad that this year’s gone by fast, because of my roommate situation. I won’t go too much into it, I did talk about it in this post if you want some background, but basically she is inconsiderate and kind of unsocial. Now, I’m not the most outgoing person in the world, but I do sometimes randomly start up a conversation with someone I barely know and I’m not generally anxious in social situations. In my opinion, it shouldn’t be that hard to talk to your roommate, especially after an entire school year, but that’s just me. I’m honestly sick and tired of being the one to always start conversations with her that really end up nowhere anyway. It just feels incredibly awkward to me to live with someone and go for days without saying anything to them. I know that if that happened at home, my parents would ask what’s wrong with me! Seriously, all four of us love to talk so it’s pretty much never quiet, which I love. But anyways, I have my last week of classes this week and then finals next week and I’m done by Thursday evening! I’m so excited for summer but I’m not really excited to move all my stuff out of my dorm! That’s gonna be a huge project haha.
|The dress I wore a week ago for Easter...except I had to wear a sweater too because it SNOWED :/|
But the title of my post also refers to my ‘relationship’ with ED at the moment. Lately, I’ve been really struggling to see my body in a positive light. I haven’t had a full day where I thought I looked awesome, or even alright, in a looooooong time. Sure there are definitely moments where I look at myself and think, “Yeah, I look good!” but they don’t last and it’s making me mad. Today, it’s a little chillier than it has been so I put on some jeans, and I haven’t worn jeans in a few weeks, and this particular pair in over a month. They’ve always been snug, not slouchy like my boyfriend jeans, but they fit. I’ve usually felt a little uncomfortable in them, because I’m not used to how jeans should fit, but the feeling usually goes away after wearing them for a little bit. Today I feel like they are fitting me tighter than ever (though it’s probably ED talking) and I’ve felt so guilty every time I’ve eaten so far. I really hate how my perception of how clothes fit is so screwed up, and how it really gets to me. In fact, I felt compelled by ED to go for a walk around campus today, even though I usually wouldn’t on the weekend, since barely anyone is out and it feels creepy. In a way, I’m glad I did, because there were some other people out, but not so many that it seemed crowded, and I got some time to think. But most of those thoughts were about how fat I feel. I walked for a little more than half an hour, which is a decent amount, but of course it wasn’t enough for ED. Well, screw him! I just want him out of my life. I want to be able to focus on my finals, and then enjoying my summer, without him getting in the way. I’m so ready to be done with ED!
|This picture is to piss ED off, because he said I look too fat in it but I think I look cute :)|
Q: What are you most excited about this summer?