Saturday, April 9, 2011

Successes and Struggles

I loved all the responses I got on my last post! It’s great to see others in the same situation as me, and my heart goes out to those of you who are still waiting to get your period back. It will happen, ladies!
So I’m sure you’ve probably noticed a few changes to my blog. I updated my About Me on the sidebar to be a little more creative and I also changed the background to a picture I took last spring break in my hometown of Phoenix, AZ. But no worries, everything else is still the same, I just needed an update!
Messy but good! Caramel Oikos, Bear Naked Fit granola, 1 tsp almond butter and BLOOBS!
Lately, I’ve been dealing with some struggles as well as some successes, so I thought I’d share those with y’all (no I’m not Southern haha). Let’s start with the negatives, since I want to end this on a positive note! So basically, I have not been able to kick my walking habit. Or rather, ED’s walking habit. I have walked for at least a half hour a day every day since I’ve gotten back from spring break 3 weeks ago (except for weekends). It’s not like I’m walking ridiculous amounts, but I know that any exercise that’s ED-based is unhealthy. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love to go for walks around campus to just take in the fresh air and sunshine. But these walks weren’t exactly enjoyable, and I suspect it’s because they were ED-fueled. Like on Wednesday, I forced myself to walk around the Oval (this part of campus with a grassy treed area in the middle and really old buildings around it) even though it was cloudy, cool and drizzling. And I always plan it so I eat my afternoon snack or lunch (depending on what time I walk) right before I walk, so I can try to burn off the calories. I don’t need to be burning them off, but ED tells me I’ll be fat if I eat and then just sit in class or whatever. Stupid lies!
This was the box of my Cinnamon Crunch cereal. As you can tell, I had a little too much fun unscrambling the names of these "good bugs"!
But, I have had some successes, too. Since yesterday, I’ve gotten up to eating 1 full tablespoon of almond butter in a day! Yeah, I know that’s really low, but for someone who used to only eat a teaspoon or maybe two a day, this is BIG! I’m working on eventually getting up to 2 full tbsp. in a day; it’s scary, but it’ll be a big accomplishment. And I’m also not wiping off the oil that forms on top so it’s really drippy and even yummier! I know that the oil is natural (the almond butter I get is just almonds and a bit of salt, so no added oils) and it’s good for me. I’m also really strongly considering increasing my calories. I’ve noticed that lately, I get extremely starving before a meal, like literally, my stomach is hurting! It’s not been fun, and I think my body is telling me I need to eat more. This is a really scary decision, because I’ve been eating roughly the same amount for at least a year, but I know that 1300 a day isn’t that much. I’ve noticed that when I’m at home, I don’t plan my meals and I don’t really count (I just do a rough count to make sure I’m getting enough) and I’m usually not as hungry, and I still don’t gain weight even though I probably eat more, so I think that by increasing my cals a little bit when I’m at school will really help. I really just can’t wait til summer (5 more weeks!) because then I won’t feel the need to plan my meals out like I do at school.

Favorite flavor EVER of Clif Kids Twisted Fruit :)

Last night, I wanted breakfast for I had a
breakfast pita w/ 2 tsp almond butter, a spicy veggie
sausage pattie, carrots (okay, not breakfast-like) and
unpictured natural applesauce and a Mix1
Q’s: Suggestions on what to do about the walking? Any tips on how to increase my calories slowly so I don't gain weight or end up restricting (from adding in things too quickly)?


  1. Hi, I left a commented on your last post saying I was new, but Hi again anyway! :)

    I think you should totally try upping your cals. I recently increased mine by about 500 because I was getting starving. I weighed myself about 2 weeks later and I had not gained any weight! And like you say, 1300 isn't very high at all, so chances are your body will be pleased with the extra energy and you won't gain at all!

    Stay strong <3

    Caroline (

  2. Oh sorry, I have just checked your last post, and I guess something went wrong because my comment didn't post, My Bad! xx

  3. I'm really proud of you for making some progress in adding nut butter, I know it must be scary for you, but you've been able to do it!
    To cut back on walking, I think you should write down WHY you want to walk before you go, wait five minutes, then read what you wrote. If it still rings true, then go ahead!
    As for adding in more calories, I think it is a good idea. If you've been experiencing intense hunger, your body is trying to tell you it needs the extra calories. I suggest slowly adding things you enjoy to foods you already eat. Or switching from low-calorie/low-fat products to higher calorie options.
    Best of luck Ash!

  4. I can relate to why you want to stop planning the meals...everytime I try to go on a meal plan and weigh and measure and stuff I end up restricting. If I just eat, I always end up eating more.

  5. Hey there, I wanted to make sure you can read my blog but I think it will only work if you have wordpress...this is just a school blogger account so that I could tell you this... if you do still want to read, do you think it would be possible for you to make a wordpress account just so you can read it if you want to? If you dont thats fine! Just email me if you have any problems and with your username so I can add you :) I just wanted to make it private. and now about this post, about the walking... I'd say try to have someone accountable or make yourself accountable for picking certain amounts of times, and days. And for adding in calories, I find that adding a little bit to each meal and having it add up in the long run helps alot rather than some big things. So like instead of a 7 calorie slice of bread, have an 80 calorie one, and then if you have a sandwich thats two slices and instead of 140 calories you had 160. So for bread, for cereals, just little steps each meal.
    <3 Its kimi By the way haha


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