Moving On and Moving Up

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!! All your encouraging comments on my previous post were so helpful. Thanks for reminding me that recovery IS worth it, and that I shouldn’t beat myself up about it, but move on. So that’s what I’m doing J

Yesterday, I had planned ahead of time to slowly increase my calories back up after my really bad restrictive day. I was planning on adding in 50 calories, which isn’t a lot, but I knew I needed to start slow or I might end up drastically undereating. So I did that…but when I was having my nighttime snack, I decided to add an extra half-cup of cereal to the amount I already had. Like I said, baby steps, but I’m proud of myself for not falling back into ED’s trap.

I was sort of anxious yesterday afternoon, because I was supposed to hang out with this guy I barely know. I sort of know his cousins, but I’d never met this guy before a few days ago. He asked me to hang out on Saturday, so I said yes, to be polite. Well, I hoped that it would turn out better than it did. He’s pretty attractive if I do say so myself and it seemed like we had some things in common. Well, we just ended up doing random stuff, like walking around campus, and he was talking like nonstop, probably because he was nervous or something. But then he started asking me all these personal kind of questions, like how many boyfriends I’ve had and what I think about sex. Um, awkward much????? Yeah, I felt super-awkward and after that point, I was totally turned off him. Like seriously, what guy asks a girl that he barely knows if she’s “gone all the way” (yes, he did ask this!) Needless to say, I was ready to go back to my room and try to forget about this. I did have fun some of the time, but the awkwardness of it just made the whole experience bad.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the end of it. He texted me a few hours later asking if I wanted to see a movie with him. Um, hell no! I told him I had a paper to write, and he replied that I could do it another day. At that point, I was just pissed, so I put my foot down and said no, sorry, I can’t. Then he stopped texting me (luckily) and I haven’t heard anything since. I hope I never see him again. I know that sounds mean, but he came on way too strong. It wasn’t like we were on a first date or anything—I’m only friends with him on Facebook and we know some of the same people. I barely met him before yesterday, so I think I have every right to be weirded out.  

Anyways, to put that awkwardness behind me, I’m moving on and moving up. I’m forgetting yesterday and also the days before, when ED had me in his grasp. I’m going back to eating as normally as possible, and trying to cut back on the exercise, unless I actually want to do it. I’m continuing on the path of recovery and not letting this get in my way. I want to live my life again, without ED.

Q’s: Have you ever had a similar experience with a guy? If ED was out of your life completely for a day, what would you do?