Dear Ashley...

Dear Ashley,

        Right now, you’re struggling with ‘feeling fat’. You know deep down that fat isn’t a feeling, but you can’t help picking out your flaws every time you pass a mirror. You can’t help comparing your meals to others. You can’t help feeling like a pig when you eat a snack in class or when your roommate’s around. You can’t wait to go home for the summer in two weeks, but you also dread it because then you can’t get away with measuring your food. You long to step on the scale again (in secret, of course) but you fear seeing the number. Anything over 90 or 91 would be devastating. But you know what? You are committed to beating this. Even though there’s a small part of you that wants to lose five pounds, a much bigger part of you knows it will derail your success. Even though you think you look fat, your mom just told you that your legs look too skinny. Even though you don’t think you deserve help, she’s worried about you relapsing. Even though ED tells you that crackers, and apple and a Pure bar are a sufficient and “normal” lunch, they aren’t. Even though the disordered part of you screams at you to run, your foot hurts even when you walk. Even though you feel incredibly guilty for not giving in to ED, it’s for the very best. Everyone who cares for you wants the best for your life, and anorexia is just the opposite. Remember that you are worth recovery and you should be proud of how far you’ve come.

With Love, Ashley

P.S. Don't ever doubt that you're beautiful!

*No questions tonight, but I encourage you to write a letter to yourself if you’re struggling or just need a little boost! I think it really helps me to just get the words out there and be honest with myself.